The Woman Who Went To Bed For A Year Quotes
"Eventually, an educated voice said, ‘Hello, I’m Nicola Forester. Is this Mrs Eva Beaver breathing down the phone or is it a household pet?’"
"Eva thought, ‘Why do posh people always bring bad news?’"
"‘My name is Dr Brian Beaver,’ he said, ‘and you wrote to me recently in very officious terms, claiming that I had not returned Dr Brady’s simplistic book The Universe Explained.’"
"Our house was unheated apart from the paraffin heater, which Dad would light when the temperature dropped below freezing. He’d been filling it with paraffin and had slopped some on to his trousers and shoes. Then he lit a cigarette, dropped the match and …"
"My dad died at work. Nobody noticed until the chicken pies started coming down the conveyor without the mushrooms."
"We were lucky. We baby boomers benefited from the welfare state. Free milk, orange juice, penicillin, free health care, free education."
"Nobody is surprised by a bride’s tears — some women cry with happiness, some with relief — but when the bride sobs for over an hour, her new husband is bound to be a little irritated."
"‘Why are you walking backwards, Brian?’ she laughed. ‘You look as if you’ve just laid a wreath at the Cenotaph.’"
"It’s not the housework that’s exhausting you."
"‘But didn’t ‘those intellectual pygmies’ understand? They were rubbing shoulders with Brian Beaver, a true space explorer.’"
"Brian wanted something named after him, and any old star wouldn’t do. After all, you could name one for f 50 and give the certificate to your wife for Christmas."
"She’s very highly strung. Her dad used to say that you could play a violin concerto on her nerve endings."
"I’ve been counting the days until they left home from the moment they were born! It felt as though I’d been taken over by two aliens. All I wanted to do was to go to bed alone and to stay there for as long as I liked."
"The tunnel is an illusion caused by cerebral anoxia. Your brain’s subsequent expectational processing supplies the white light and feeling of peace."
"‘Death’s not as bad as they make out,’ Ruby said. ‘You just go down a tunnel towards the golden light, isn’t that right, Doctor?’"
"‘The house smelled of Sunday roast for years,’ said Brian. ‘It was most disconcerting. I buried myself in books …’"
"‘You’re disgusting,’ he said. ‘I’m not messing about decanting your piss and dumping your shit!’"
"I can’t use the en suite any more. I can’t put my feet on the floor. And I was wondering if you would help to get rid of my waste."
"I’m not ill. I’m just retreating from the world … I think."
"But why should you get away with it? Why should I, seventy-nine next January, be expected to baby you again?"
"‘It’s the cruelty. When he cried out, "I thirst!" they gave him vinegar.’"
"You gotta look after the small things in life, Mrs Brown-Bird. There's nothing we can do about the big stuff."
"It's a bit of a kerfuffle for a cup of tea and a bit of toast, in't it?"
"It would be a boring world if we were all the same."
"What is this bloody obsession with beverages?"
"I don't drink or smoke [a lie] and I spend nothing on myself [untrue], so I think I'm entitled to a few rashers of bacon."
"No man gives a toss how clever a woman is. Well, no man worth having. All they care about is what we look like."
"I am Dr Brian Beaver and I work here as an astronomer and mathematician."
"I will love you until the world ends, Brian."
"I've got one word to say to you ...’ She mouthed the ‘T’, but then bit it back."
"I think you have money. And I do not. So, if you give me some of the money you have, we will both be happy, yes?"
"C’mon, guys, let’s cool it, we’re all professionals, yeah? Even the cleaners, right?"
"Ands up who wants a new, state-of-the-art, sit-on lawnmower?"
"I have absolutely nothing to do but to watch light move across the sky."
"At any moment I could have blown myself and the sheds to smithereens."
"It breaks my heart when I think that this will be their last Christmas!"
"I used to pour olive oil in Eva’s lugholes when she had the earache."
"She came back full of herself. It was all 'merci' and 'bonjour'."
"I think some rich French ponce broke her heart."
"I’d be happier with a simple radio, a television with knobs on the front."
"I can see you’re tired. I can google the rest… There must be a Delia’s Christmas app."
"I have been in a rage since 1941. I was irritated beyond telling when my wife dropped something or spilled her tea or knocked over a glass of water. But I loved her dearly, and when she died I couldn’t see the point of carrying on."
"I’m afraid I’m terribly dull company, Dr Beaver. I do not know any jokes, and most of my stories are rather sad."
"Life is hard! Nature is cruel! The strong overpower the weak! Everything dies!"
"I’m fond of Grandma Ruby, I’m fond of whiskers on kittens and bright copper kettles, but I’m passionately in fucking love with Alex Tate!"
"He told me to go out more and meet people of my own age."
"Early on Christmas Day morning Eva woke and looked out of the window to see snow falling from a navy-blue sky."
"Goodness means telling good lies, so that people won’t get hurt by true words."
"He’s thrown me out, Brian. I can’t go to my mother’s, it would kill her."
"She pleaded, ‘Please come and join us tomorrow. I plan to get drunk in the afternoon and smoke many cigarettes.’"
"You’ve been given a great chance. Don’t fuck it up."
"She refused to use any of those gadgets that are designed to help. She knew Braille. God knows why she learned it — I sent for the books but she wouldn’t touch them."
"Everything she’s told you has been a complete lie!"
"I always wondered who it would be. Then he knocked on my door."
"It’s hardly Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, is it?"
"He promised he would leave you after Christmas. Well, it’s after Christmas now."
"She looks beautiful — even with her mad hair on end."
"I would rather be dead than be sent to a place like this."
"Madness could be lurking just around the corner, waiting to sneak inside your head while you were sleeping and engulf you."
"I’ve been watching you sleep, you were snoring."
"You and Steve are scared to discipline them because you think they won’t love you any more."
"Either that, or they’re trying to starve you out!"
"Nothing could surprise her any more. She’d once thought that paying £1.70 for a bottle of water from Iceland was about as daft as you could get — especially when there was nice cold water in the tap. But she’d been wrong."
"Somehow, while her attention had been elsewhere, everybody in the world had gone mad."
"I would not be responsible for another person’s happiness. I’m no good at it."
"Shit happens, but it’s still a fantastic world."
"We do love each other, I know this for certain. But I will stay away."
"Why is everything connected with love so painful?"
"I’ve finished the daily routine of looking after small children. I can’t bear to watch their disillusionment when they find out what sort of world they live in."
"It was three o'clock in the morning. A time when frail people die."
"Who else do you know who’d give up their sleep to talk to a stranger in the night?"
"But one day, I’ll shed my skin. I’m looking forward to that. I wonder what I’ll be?"
"You cannot catch pneumonia from wearing damp socks and trousers. If that were the case, my whole school would have contracted pneumonia after a wet playtime."
"I spent half of my childhood wet or damp. A gaberdine mac is not impervious to snowstorms or torrential rain."
"Barry, you look fantastic, a different man. I'm sorry I've been such a cow."
"She saved my life," said the burly cabby. "She is a saint."
"I wish to protest in the strongest possible manner about your front-page article concerning my wife, Eva Beaver. It contains many falsehoods and inaccuracies."
"Goodbye, Eva, you may not see me for a while. I’ve been extremely hurt by your remarks."
"I like everything. Anything you choose, Barry, would be gratefully received."
"She’s convinced you can help her," said Alexander. "She’s driven from Sheffield. The kid is called Amber, she’s thirteen years old."
"She’s been dead for three days. What kind of society do we live in when an old lady can lie on her kitchen floor dead for three days before anybody notices?"
"Valentine’s Day is yet another example of how the market commodifies socio-sexual relationships, transforming love from a state of 'being' to a representation of 'having', and ultimately degrading us all."
"Brian said, forcing himself to sound reasonable, ‘Tit, I admit I’m a little annoyed that I’m sharing my space with the culmination of the junk you’ve collected over the years, but have I once complained? No. Will I be pleased when it’s gone? Yes.’"
"I’m sick of hearing about Eva and I hate the sheds! I can’t stand to live in them for a minute longer!"
"We all of us — the fools, the geniuses, the beggars, the A-listers — we all need to be loved, and we all need to love. And if they’re the same person, halleluyah! And if you can live your life and avoid humiliation, you’re blessed."
"Does it really matter? Not compared to infinity."
"Listening to my first Elvis LP with my first boyfriend, Gregory Davis — both equally beautiful."