Truths I Never Told You Quotes
"Loneliness is worse than sadness because loneliness, by its very definition, cannot be shared."
"I am alone in a crowded family these days, and that’s the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced."
"The more difficult life is, the louder your feelings become."
"I’ve learned a hard lesson these past few years; the harder life gets, the louder your feelings scream."
"Everything changes, and the best and brightest era of our family’s life has drawn to a close."
"I don’t grieve the end of the babyhood era... I celebrate the closing of this chapter."
"For the sake of my marriage and my sanity, this day really couldn’t have come soon enough."
"I feel the fear of that cry in my very bones—a kind of whole-body tension I can’t quite make sense of."
"Twenty-four hours a day I am fixated on the terror that I will snap and hurt someone."
"Sometimes I think I will walk away before something bad happens, as if removing myself from the equation would keep them all safe."
"I’m constantly trying to talk myself around to calm, and sometimes, for brief and beautiful moments, I do."
"Tonight the sound of my baby’s cry might just be the thing that breaks me altogether."
"I’m scared of so many things these days, but most of all now, I fear myself."
"I’ve been so busy feeling paranoid, convinced the builders were quietly laughing at how ludicrous our extension was."
"I’ve painted such rosy pictures of our life here over the years, but in this new slump, I was determined to reach across the divide with something real."
"Motherhood has left me feeling both helpless and worn, and I am trapped here by my fears and failures."
"Like the skin on my stomach after all of these pregnancies so close together, I feel as if I’ve been stretched far too thin to ever go back to the way I was meant to be."
"It feels hopeless. I feel hopeless. But feelings, even loud feelings, lie sometimes, and I know that all too well after the past three years."
"I had no idea how I’d explain such a thing. It was bad enough when Patrick saw a mark on my breast and I had to lie and say that Beth had done it when I was feeding her."
"I’ve walked this journey before—twice before, and the end doesn’t go like this. With my first two births, as soon as I felt better, I really was better—there was no sinking in and out of funks once the babies were toddlers and the darkness had cleared."
"Everything changes, so you just hold on for a while and see what happens next."
"A mother can love a child desperately, and simultaneously find themselves broken by the endless demands of parenting."
"The love I feel for my children is the most powerful thing on earth."
"I was loved by Grace. I was nurtured by Grace."
"I promised myself I’d do better. I made a decision that I would no longer cry."
"I’m feeling so overwhelmed at the moment and I don’t know what to do."
"My third birth was my best birth, because yes, I was alone and scared, but no doctor cut my body to ease her entrance."
"Sometimes I feel like I can’t bear to watch Dad fade away. It’s almost too much to bear, but at the same time there’s just no way to escape it."
"Even now, if I close my eyes, I can summon the feeling of being held in her arms."
"I squatted and I breathed and I let my body take over."
"She cried until I cuddled her, and then she settled and stared up at me with wonder in her gaze."
"I felt an astounding euphoria rise and by the time Mrs. Hills arrived, I was weeping tears of pure joy."
"That birth was one of the best experiences of my life, at least in part because for the first time, I was in complete control of my body."
"Beth settled right in. I thought I had a shot of getting through the first twelve months unscathed."
"Some combination of monotony, endless demands, loneliness, isolation, and exhaustion left me feeling like I was standing outside my body."
"The dark water called to me, promising peace and rest."
"I panicked, and I clung to the concrete path as if it was my savior."
"The sobs were cathartic—the relief that I hadn’t jumped without even thinking reminded me that I did desperately want to live."
"Despite the misery, there was some bravery left in the depths of my soul."
"I knew that even if I made it home before sunrise, before Patrick even noticed I was missing, I would have to explain."
"I faced death that night, and I had found the strength to refuse it."
"I promised myself I’d remember that moment forever."
"I haven’t written to Maryanne in months because I haven’t had the energy to pretend things are okay."
"Funny how we can’t afford to have a phone anymore, but Patrick can afford to go out for beer with his friends almost every night."
"I’ve been waiting for my monthly for two weeks now. And then this morning I threw up, so it seems that God has not granted me any mercy."
"I can’t go passively into the darkness this time. I can’t."
"People say things like that because it makes them feel better in what is undoubtedly a very awkward situation. I don’t blame her—I kind of envy her."
"Seven years of parenting Edison Michaels has taught me nothing if not humility."
"I’m doing the best I can, it’s usually not good enough and that’s just the way it is."
"What do you think they’re going to do? Sedate him?"
"Let’s just see how Eddie copes with a paramedic visit. I’m sure the blaring sirens and the uniforms and more strangers can’t make things much worse."
"I wish I could be that self-righteous, but seven years of parenting Edison Michaels has taught me nothing if not humility."
"The woman offers me a gentle smile and opens her handbag conspiratorially."
"When I look into her eyes, I see empathy and understanding—but not a hint of pity."
"My grandson is on the spectrum too. I have at least an inkling of how difficult your situation is."
"It’s an acronym—it stands for a great miracle happened there."
"You’re doing a good job, Momma. Don’t you ever forget that."
"I don’t cry much over Eddie. I love him. I care for him. I don’t ever let myself feel self-pity."
"Tomasz Slaski was determined to be a doctor like his father, but I always thought he was born to tell stories."
"Even now when I struggle to remember where I am sometimes or what day it is, I’m certain I still remember everything from that day—every moment, every touch, every scent and every sound."
"All I know and all I need to know is that whenever we are apart, I always miss you, and I know you feel the same."
"I was astounded by the love I felt for Tomasz, and that I could see that same desperate love mirrored in his eyes felt like a miracle."
"I am being brave, Mama. I lied, wiping at my eyes to avoid her scolding for my tears."
"Good times, bad times—the ring has held us steadfast. I give it to you to bring you fortune for your future."
"In a world that doesn’t understand my son, he’s always had Babcia, who doesn’t care if she understands him or not—she simply adores him the way he is."
"To say he is autistic is not accurate—autism is not who he is, it is a part of who he is."