"I wouldn’t call her selfish, but she is a little selfish. Okay, fine—a lot selfish."
"Love her to death, don’t get me wrong, but even after all these years, Mariah Baker has always gotten what she’s wanted, and I’ve always been the person to help her get it."
"You can do this, Teddy. You’re going to have a great time tonight."
"The first middle finger to my lifestyle was me dropping out of Notre Dame—Dad’s alma mater—after one year and transferring to Iowa."
"It’s none of my business what these guys do. I’m only here for beer and to hang out with my friends, and why the heck do I even care? Let them ruin their stupid carpet! It doesn’t affect me one bit."
"I wouldn’t have come tonight if I had known she was going to once again leave me hanging."
"No. Fuck that. Your friends are assholes, I swear to fucking God. Why do you put up with their shit?"
"I'm not you—I'm not a barbarian, I can't just..."
"Seconds pass and I bite down on my bottom lip."
"It’s dark out, obviously, and the only thing in the yard is him, some trash, and a few cars parked along the curb."
"Trust me. I have zero interest in women, so your virtue is safe with me."
"Being gay isn’t a big deal—I wouldn’t care, and it wouldn’t surprise me if you were."
"I might hate math, but I’m good at it, even though I still occasionally use fingers to do addition. Who doesn’t?"
"This is your house? Do you live with your parents?"
"You’re making that up. That is not your name."
"No, because girls make everything complicated."
"I could reach your throat without a stepstool."
"My mom does the same thing. Kind of. But then again, there are only two of us, so I don’t have to worry about an entire family chiming in."
"For a caveman, Sasquatch sure has expensive shit."
"Despite myself, I take him in, his whiskers highlighted by the sunlight."
"My stomach chooses that moment to growl, and it's so loud it fills the sudden silence."
"You really must be bored. Fine, let's say I entertain the idea of letting you help me—you can't boss me around. That would drive me nuts."
"You would have already ordered more meat if you wanted it. Admit it—you just want to take this because it's mine, and you're a spoiled brat."
"Trust me, Teddy, kissing you isn’t part of the equation here. My mouth won’t be going anywhere near your face, so you can calm down."
"You can’t replace real intimacy, Kip, no matter how hard you try."
"Everyone has time to be horny. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"It stretches toward the fabric, alerted to the presence of a foreign hand, to the soothing female voice not far from my ear."
""Technically, you didn’t make out with anyone—I made out with your vagina.""
""It was oral, not anal. I don’t see what the big deal is.""
"Everything was great this morning, and now you’ve done a complete turnaround."
"I don’t think we’ve talked about this, but…I’ll probably work for my dad when I graduate. Is that going to be a problem?"
"I’m sorry, what? That sounds like an insult. And since when is it a bad thing for a guy to be attractive?"
"Honestly, I loved the way you didn’t judge me before."
"It’s not my fault I’ve never slept in the damn woods—my parents wouldn’t know the first thing about roughing it."
"I don’t think there is such a thing as a bad blowjob, unless you bite down on it."
"Funny how the universe works, isn’t it? Shit drops on you when you’re staring at the sky, wondering what to do with your life, and sometimes it’s just what you fucking need, right when you need it."
"You are so slow," she jokes. "And I don’t mean how long it took you to get up here."