Best Four To Score Quotes by Janet Evanovich

"LIVING IN TRENTON in July is like living inside a big pizza oven. Hot, airless, aromatic."

"If people were cars, Lula would be a big, black '53 Packard with a high-gloss chrome grille, oversized headlights, and a growl like a junkyard dog."

"A woman's got to do what a woman's got to do."

"Sometimes bail jumpers are simply at home, trying to pretend their life isn't in the toilet, hoping the whole mess will go away if they ignore the order to appear in court."

"I'd consider a thousand dollars well spent if I could get them back."

"If I was a bounty hunter I'd fucking shoot lots of people."

"This is the ultimate sensitive man. This is taking my female shit out of the closet."

"The only reason she isn't out here wringing her hands is on account of she's at church."

"Never underestimate the power of a Nerf ball."

"Everyone knows you never win against an Italian mother."

"I'm a bond enforcement officer," I told her. "I work for Vincent Plum. Your son failed to appear in court, and now I need to bring him in to reschedule and have his case reviewed."

"What you have to do is live with a gay guy," Sally said. "They're into this cooking shit."

"I don't know about you," Lula said, "but I'm ready to leave this party."

"Don't be such a big baby," I said. "I get hair spray in my eyes all the time."

"Nothing's stopping me this time. You change your mind, and I'll shoot you."

"I was sort of looking in the window, and . . ."

"This isn't Dodge City," Lula said. "We got some class here. We keep the guns in the back room with the pervert."

"I'm telling you, this woman stuff is complicated."

"Not sure you totally got the hang of this woman stuff," Lula said. "Think maybe you'd do better shaving your ass than worrying about lip shit."

"Great. Just what I needed, another pair of retro slut shoes—and an extra $74 on my Macy's charge card."

"I passed the photo of Maxine around. 'This is what she looks like,' I said. 'If you see her, grab her and bring her to me.'"

"I saw the jogger shake his head no. The two guys exchanged glances. There was a brief discussion between them. Then one of the guys opened the chest, took out a pie and smushed it into the jogger's face."

"I'm not a fatso. I happen to be a big woman."

"Guess she's one of those women can't stand to see men fighting."

"What's going on here?" Lula asked. "Stay out of this, fatso," Joyce said. "Fatso," Lula said, eyes narrowed. "Who you calling fatso?"

"Some team," Kuntz said. "A fruit and a fatso."

"First off, let me tell you something. I'm not a fatso. I happen to be a big woman."

"It looks to me like Maxine was playing with Eddie Kuntz. And it looked to me like she was the only one who thought the game was funny."

"I don't know. Maybe you could see if she's in the morgue."

"You can't hold yourself responsible for that."

"Most people are good. I keep that in front of me so I don't lose perspective."

"The problem with being a bounty hunter is it's all on-the-job training."

"I explained the situation to Ranger, including the tire and the park episode."

"I have to tell you," I said to Rex. "I'm getting discouraged."

"I'm a firm believer in denial. My reasoning is why deal with unpleasantness today when you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. And if you procrastinate long enough, maybe the issue will go away. Unfortunately, this issue wasn't going away. This issue was beyond denial. This issue was fucking depressing."

"Good thing I got my Social Security check yesterday," Grandma said, eyeing the slots. "I feel lucky."

"Do I know how to conduct an undercover operation, or what?"

"It's not jail time I'm worried about," Maxine said. "It's dead time."

"You need to get a smaller gun," Lula said. "Ruins your lines with that big old Glock in your drawers."

"We're bounty hunters. We can do anything we want. We're protected by a dumb-ass law made back in 1869 when people didn't know any better."

"I've spent some time together. I wouldn't say we were intimate."

"Remember those purple shoes you bought last year?"
"Reduced to ashes."
"Damn. I had plans for those shoes. I've spent a few sleepless nights thinking about you wearing those shoes and nothing else."

"I'm glad you weren't in bed when this happened. You'd be toast."

"Ah," Ranger said, "if only it was that simple."

"This isn't just a job. This is a service profession. We uphold the law, babe."

"No. I do this for the money. And because hunting people is what I do best."

"You have enough food on you to feed a family of four for a week."

"First rule of combat. If someone throws something at you, step out of the way."

"Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race."

"Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you."

"Cops are weird," I said to Morelli. "Yeah," he said, "cops scare the hell out of me."

"I'm from the burg. I was putting makeup on Barbie before I could walk."

"Yeah, well, I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman."

"I thought you were looking for Maxine Nowicki."

"Christ, for a minute there I didn't know whether I wanted to punch him in the face or ask him for a date."

"I don't like standing here like this. What if one of the neighbors comes over? How will it look?"

"I hate to cry," I said. "I get all blotchy, and it makes my nose run."

"Well, you're not blotchy right now," Morelli said. "Right now you're white. The guy downstairs has more color than you."

"First time I ever saw a white person who really was white."

"It's an herb," Betty said. "Everybody takes it."

"Drop your gun, you punk-ass old coot," Lula yelled. "You don't drop your gun, I'm gonna bust a cap up your ass!"

"Thanks for coming to my rescue," I said to Lula. "Boy, you really nailed that pot holder."

"Think they been generous with the pencil dick," she said. "Think you're more a stubby eraser."

"This is entirely different."
"This is no different! This is the same thing!"

"What turned me on right now was the luxury of doing nothing."

"It's possible the only charges that'll stick against anyone is the original auto theft and the failure to appear against Maxine. There isn't actually any proof of extortion."

"If you had 'pencil dick' tattooed all over your ass would you want to go public? Besides, most of those tattoos weren't permanent."

"I never got to be the train. You were always the train. I always had to be the tunnel."

"Jesus," Morelli said. "Just get on the damn bike."