"Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way."
"Love is missing the taste of someone’s morning breath. Thinking they’re beautiful, even when their nose is Rudolph-red and their hair is bird’s nest crazy."
"Life is like playing with a chemistry set every day and getting paid to do it."
"The world is a fucked-up place, and women especially need to do everything they can to make sure the fucked up doesn’t find its way to their front door."
"The kind you’ll never want to stop looking at, baby."
"Opening a door, paying a bill: These are not digs against a lady’s capabilities. Sometimes a guy just wants to do the old-fashioned thing."
"Maybe I feel like this because I haven’t screwed her yet. Maybe I don’t want to share a dessert I haven’t gotten to taste."
"For hip-hop club dancing, you need some natural rhythm, something that poor son of a bitch Steven is sorely lacking."
"You should. Shoot for the moon and you still end up amongst the stars."
"A woman’s view of herself is like a reflection in a fun house mirror—bent, sometimes warped. The way others see them is always more accurate."
"Real life is not chick-lit or a romantic comedy; you shouldn’t expect it to be."
"I don’t kiss ass—unless a girl asks me to—and the only smoke I blow is from my cigarettes."
"Women always say they just want men to be honest with them. Let’s see how that plays out."
"Because this is New York City, a neighbor immediately yells back, 'We’re all awake now, asshole!'"
"Sometimes it feels good to cry. It’s cathartic."
"Jesus Christ, are you serious? I’m practically pouring my heart out here, and you can’t even be bothered to make up a decent lie?"
"The best kinds of families try to stop a train wreck—but if they can’t, they still show up to give first aid to the walking wounded."
"If you gotta lose a bet, that’s the way to do it."
"I don’t know what the fuck this is, but it is not okay!"
"Everybody likes me. I’m a great fucking guy."
"I make good guys go bad. I’m like . . . a penis pump . . . I turn men into gigantic pricks."
"I’m the girl your mother warned you about—bad news."
"We’ve got to live for the now, ’cause you never know when the now will be gone."
"Wild animals are meant to be . . . wild. As I got older, I realized that a lot of the animals were rescued because they were sick or injured and wouldn’t survive on the outside anyway."
"I like to dress like every day is Halloween."
"Those girl penguins are some pretty smart cookies."
"Kids are like sponges. They just suck up everything around them."
"It may sound pansy, but watching Delores smile is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do."
"Life is short—I never pass up the chance to dance to a good song."
"Tell me you hate her, or tell me you want to fuck her brains out, and either way, I’ll deal. Whatever you say, just . . . mean it. Be here with me . . . be real."
"But frankly, the answers to these questions are none of your goddamn business. That’s between Dee and me—only."
"Because if I didn’t have bad luck? I’d have no luck at all."
"Trust has to be earned... sometimes by stripping yourself bare."
"Good deeds are easy to talk about. But bad things tell you more."
"The most successful marriages and relationships are between best friends—who want to fuck each other."
"You’re just fucking scared. You see Kate and your cousin and you don’t want to feel what they’re feeling..."
"I’m not going anywhere. You want to yell? You can yell at me. Feel like hitting something? I can take a punch."
"Sometimes pride isn't always a sin. Sometimes it's a savior that keeps you from making an asshole of yourself."
"People break up all the time . . . only to get back together the very next day."
"We don’t talk about shit like that—other people’s relationship issues. We barely talk about our own relationship issues."
"I’m assuming you’ve nailed her? It’s not like that, Drew."
"My mother knocked over her glass of wine—leaving a permanent reminder on the lace table cloth."
"You say Kate puts on a tough front but she’s soft inside? How about you look in a mirror, Dee?"
"The Bible says there’s a time for all things under heaven."
"If he loved her, he wouldn’t have forgotten what she looked like. Not ever."
"I have no desire to fuck anyone who’s not Delores Warren."
"Get up, ya son of a bitch . . . ’cause Mickey loves ya."