"The US men's curling team looked like a group of dads that were just trying to get away from their families for the weekend but somehow ended up competing in the Olympics."
"This is crazy what we've got going on here is crazy."
"This pandemic's been a huge challenge and the management of it is difficult because there was a lot of things that were unexpected."
"Number 11: Firefighters free deer wedged between bars of cemetery fence."
"If you ever find yourself in a bounce house with a bunch of sharks just lie there and don't move."
"Hands up y'all, hands up! Oh [ __ ] oh I may have forgotten to mention one tiny detail."
"I never in my wildest dreams did I think that as a police officer, as a law enforcement officer, I would find myself in the middle of a battle."
"My mind has been blown apart. I felt like I was a person going to an orgy and then when I got, I was like ah I'm not ready for any of this."
"Oh [], go, I went in the back. Oh hey, oh what up, I slipped. That little []'s evil."
"A regular comes in with her child nibbling on a dog treat. Shut up, that's hilarious!"
"I've been attacked by cheesy, I've been attacked by junk, what the [ __ ] is going on?"
"This ain't that. This is a whole different reality."
"Once I teach you, you could be sticking your key in your door and the ninjas come out of nowhere, but your 52 percent should be so well, you know I'm Pete them all."
"I have to wonder if I didn't bring this mouse from home and I was sleeping in the car with it for the first couple days."
"I'm so happy about that. Alright, so we're going home. I don't know if he left his bike there because, I don't know if you saw, kind of a glitch there, that might be a problem, but I guess we'll see."
"It was so outside, it was so bizarre and so grotesque that I could only laugh."
"I never thought I would have to ever make this video."
"We've had goats in our cars, on top of our cars, in the bed."
"Sometimes we end up in situations we can't even fathom, but every end is a new beginning."
"I don't know what in the freaking Walter White slash Heisenberg is going on here."
"Things don't always go the way you expect. Sometimes you have to improvise."
"It's kind of a big branch and it's sort of like fused into the wall."
"Driving the Cybertruck in Baja mode – adrenaline rush like no other! (Except maybe when we thought there was a burglar last night…)"
"The mayonnaise is still in his hair, it's not coming out."
"It's what happens when you're told you're gonna be wearing an outfit and you don't have one."
"Imagine if someone just walked into the room right now and saw me doing this, they'd be like 'what the hell are you'."
"What happened here, borrowing his words, a girl stays in the same room as a man she barely knows."
"It was torrential rain and of course I managed to get stuck in it for like the two minutes that it was pouring down."
"Revenge is a dish best served cold... or in this case, freezing and covered in cow manure."
"That's why I was like so freaked out because I was like, 'Oh my gosh, did they open it? It's in their mailbox, like there's nothing I can do if it's in their mailbox.'"
"Imagine being a vendor at a local market, then having to quickly move all your produce out of the way so that you don't get hit by a train."
"I think that one day the predator probably had diarrhea."
"That's like me coming to the trap house or something like that."
"I would have never thought me being worth 50 million dollars that I'll be printing shirts in the back of my [ __ ] house."
"Wildcat loves cameraman's hair: a hairy situation indeed!"
"Gentlemen, I love you all! Oh god, this is gonna be fantastic! One kid and two old creeps, who the [ __ ] would have thought?"
"If you played Hogwarts Legacy you're canceled buddy because you gotta click it to find out you figure out why you cancel dog but you're done for though just know that you are done get back all right I'll catch you in the next one."
"We're bulletproof, what the [ __ ] is happening in there?"
"He didn't expect me to have a weapon, he didn't expect me to draw that quickly."
"It's just the weirdest situation like you will get to a point where you'll be like this is what people were talking about."
"A sniper have you nervous though as a stripper in church, that nervous."
"Ditching is a very difficult decision to make because it's the hardest thing to do."
"This is not how I wanted to spend my day. This is stuck in detention."
"They got to swim home apparently, but they're having... let's just call this their kind of honeymoon moment."
"I thought I might die or you know really being trouble here but I'm actually I can't believe my luck I'm fighting my pal he's not even he's not going to fight me it's just absolutely fantastic."
"Did I just get locked inside? Not like this, bro."
"Story time: When I actually called the police while I was handcuffed and being spanked by my husband."
"Only thing I can actually say the craziest thing, okay, let me, craziest thing, let's hear, is coming up next to people in their personal vehicles doing dirty deeds."
"I think someone may have put some super glue on this chair."
"Holy [__]. Yeah, so tell me about Mickey Monday."
"I'm kind of like a grunt, but it's kind of like a grunt, like you stepped on some play-doh you weren't expecting to have on the ground."
"Nothing says luxury like being stranded on the side of the road."
"Jack immediately turns them away, so Grant brings out a tranquilizer gun."
"Everybody should be empowered enough to care for themselves and their loved ones during the unexpected"
"I never thought I'd die in a goddamn graveyard."
"Let a dude run up to you in a fur coat with a hook for a hand, you're not going to just sit there and ask for directions, you gonna run."
"It feels like nothing can go right, he just keeps on being washed up onto the shores of these very strange unusual different places."
"I don't even feel the contractions, I got there and they were like the baby's halfway."
"Would you do if you just were just hanging out in your living room and somebody started throwing babies at you?"
"Is there any point where you're like how the [__] did I get here?"
"Hold on, I'm playing this really fun game right now. Oh, my toe is stuck in the, um, is it stuck in my router?"
"Making fun of a situation like this is something that makes about as much sense as laughing at someone who got all their gas siphoned out of their gas tank."
"Poor dma, I don't know what's going on in there but they probably got him in the headlock."
"Don't let your girlfriend stop you from finding your wife."
"Is that a blanket? Yeah, I can't even get the box."
"Mayhem has arrived! A day late, a dollar short, but mayhem has arrived."
"Oh, I got Satan! You pissed off your neighbor and he crushed your pelvis. With what?!?"
"How do you get a stretch mark on the windshield?"
"Listen, babes, I'll be honest. I'm not going to lie. There's literally a carrot in my fanny and the box."
"When life hands you a situation that you didn't expect, you just figure it out."
"Never crossed my mind that I would have to make a decision"
"Everyone thinks they're normal until a not normal situation pops up."
"I was once unable to wave at Prince Charles because I was holding a wounded seagull."
"I would have laughed and called you crazy, but that is exactly the situation we have on hand."
"We deal with literally everything. I mean, I chased down a naked dude one day."
"That's awesome they arrested me seagull pinch me chip what else was i going to do"
"Nobody goes to the cemetery gates on Christmas morning, alive or dead."
"Yeah, he just dumped over the fence here."
"You know when sometimes in a very serious situation you get the giggles and you really can't stop? Well, Private Tom Jones thought of that pantomime and he looked at the dozens of petrified Germans with their hands in the air and he just burst out laughing."
"Times like this that makes me feel bad for opening with the chainsaw."
"And that is how I ended up in a boat in the middle of a Rio Grande."
"David blae had all the celebrities. The frogs with Chappelle. Yo, when he spit up those frogs in front of Drake and Dave Chappelle, I was like see they was looking at it like whoa."
"I never saw two grown teenage boys fighting in the kitchen over the oven."
"Hella kids up in this bit honk if one falls out at an ice cream shop in Minnesota."
"Cruise is known for his charming and charismatic persona, but he reportedly becomes agitated when caught off-guard or confronted with unexpected situations."
"...but this is probably just about the only time where people would be utterly and totally delighted that their car shares a lot with a Lotus."
"You're going to get through it. It's cool what you wanted. I'm sure it's not a situation that you saw yourself in when you started this, but the reality is that you're here."
"It probably looks like Rock Hudson is sitting next to Fran Leibowitz."
"Understanding the physics of riding will just give you so much more information you can use when the unexpected happens."
"I've scored once," he said, "and that's because I was being chased by a bee."
"Intelligence is what you use when you don't know what to do; it's what you use when you're experiencing something that you've not been prepared for."
"They told me to pick up a little blue car; they didn't say anything about a little blue man."
"One of the main reasons that we do these emergency kits is for when that time of the month comes, especially when it's unexpected."
"It was a situation that I never thought that I would find myself in."
"Let me call you back, my baby fell in the trash can."
"When the clients actually watch and you don't realize it, and you're like, 'Oh shoot'."
"I'm being mocked by a duck, things I never thought I'd say in front of other people."
"Maybe I should be panicking, but I'm not. If you want this baby, then we'll learn as we go."
"You can actually notice that since I got the samurai sword, everything's going fine and then if something sneaks up behind us like a watermelon, that's why you should have a samurai sword."
"Oh, you mean like when we're not rushing to save the world from an evil wizard? File that sentence under words I never thought I'd say."
"...there's a wonderful onion skit about you know this could have happened to anybody with a 20-foot python."
"Me at 2 a.m. in the pitch black after I miss a step on the stairs on the way down to get a drink of water: I'm about to meet Jesus."
"It is not the workout I planned but it is the workout that I needed to do just because of the circumstances."
"I'm not a cat, but I am ready to present my argument, Your Honor."