Wintergirls Quotes
"She reached out with both hands to take hold of the pretty plaything. And the earth, full of roads leading every which way, opened up under her."
"I can’t let me hear this, but it’s too late. The facts sneak in and stab me."
"We are trained not to see it, not to see any of it."
"Yesterday’s dirt and mistakes have moved through me. I am shiny and pink inside, clean. Empty is good. Empty is strong."
"I am the space between my thighs, daylight shining through."
"No, she’s in the family room, hypnotized by the television and a bowl of blue cereal."
"They want to pull me inside of them, but they’re afraid."
"For one breath everything feels better. Then it melts."
"The unforgiving November wind blows me toward the building."
"I am not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays; we are crayons and lunch boxes and swinging so high our sneakers punch holes in the clouds."
"I will run back to the garage and find the dead body of a woman stuck in my windshield, blood everywhere."
"My parents force-marched me into hell on the hill New Seasons."
"There is no safer. There’s not even safe, never has been."
"Even the ugly people in the magazine were beautiful."
"The picture I drew is bloated and unrealistic. I guess I have to work on my self-perception a little more."
"But that day I started to worry that the people in charge couldn’t see, either."
"I don’t know what I look like. I can’t remember how to look."
"It’s called a wake, but nobody really wants the dead to rise."
"We danced with witches and kissed monsters. We turned us into wintergirls."
"She would have liked a box of cereal to munch on, too: comfort food for the ride."
"I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the small disk of green see-glass, born in the heart of a volcano, capable of showing the future."
"My hands raise the mug to my lips again. I am muffled in white velvet sheets."
"Cassie’s pet mouse, Pinky, died the summer before fourth grade."
"I can’t stop, but I can’t keep going," she told me. "Nothing works."
"I wake up more confused than usual because my bed isn’t pointed in the right direction."
"The air smells like it always does: coffee and bleach."
"I don’t remember falling asleep or not being able to fall asleep or even dreaming."
"My brain (NO!) and stomach (NO!) scream at me (NO! NO! NO!) but I force a spoonful of noodles past my teeth."
"I am so strong that not even one grain of sugar lands on my tongue."
"People at school are saying that Cassie died of a heroin overdose."
"I need to record her voice babbling so I can listen to it when she’s not around."
"The fight simmers gently on the back of the stove all afternoon."
"She waits until her plate is empty to drop the bomb."
"I wish you could be a mom whose eyes worked but I don’t think you can."
"I spend fifteen minutes Googling Cassie’s name."
"The blogs and chat rooms are always filled with the buzzing of tiny wings."
"If I thought I could stop after one bite, two at the most, I would."
"I can’t remember what it’s like to eat without planning for it."
"I cover my eyes, or just blink. I want to choose what I see and what I don’t see."
"I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don’t want to die."
"The music from my bedroom shrieks so loud against the mirror it’s making my ears ring."
"I want to close my eyes, or just blink. I want to choose what I see and what I don’t see."
"The music liquefies the air and blows the papers off my desk."
"I could eat a handful of these seeds, or six handfuls, or I could pour a bucket of them into me."
"The loudspeaker between my ears crackles on, full volume, with another goal."
"The only number that would ever be enough is 0. Zero pounds, zero life, size zero, double-zero, zero point."
"They put up both hands. "Wait. I’m sorry. No lectures, I promise. Just a few more minutes, please?""
"I think I have to scream. But I can’t. My bone corset is laced so tight, I can barely breathe."
"We haunt ourselves, and sometimes we do such a good job, we lose track of reality."
"The dead do walk and haunt and crawl into your bed at night."
"I am spinning the silk threads of my story, weaving the fabric of my world."
"There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn’t matter anymore."
"I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles."
"I’m learning how to be angry and sad and lonely and joyful and excited and afraid and happy."
"Food is life. I reach for the second half of the bagel and spread cream cheese on both."