"When you play around with your dog with your microphone at home, but then you're soon going to regret it when you're reporting the news on TV because he thinks the mic is a toy."
"Who would have thought that a single photograph would have such a long-lasting effect?"
"Post-nut clarity hits harder when you're having fun with a pig. Personal clarity hits hella hard when you're wrestling them up with a pig."
"With a bit of luck his life was ruined forever."
"They dismiss it like junk mail, a fluke, until very, very bad things begin happening to the people on the list."
"Nothing suspicious here, you're just walking across my lawn and suddenly you end up in prison."
"Like a bat out of hell" and he knows that someone's going to find the dog walking around with its leash and it would support a narrative.
"What if I told you that mixing both of those pets is the recipe for Pure destruction?"
"When your credit card expires they don't tell you 'hey your credit card,' they tell you three months later when you go to turn on your TV and your power's off."
"The question of how and why Amy died has gripped generations of writers and historians."
"You might think your hands are clean till the wind blows up in ways."
"If Brian was in on it, you may be thinking, well, if Brian was in on it, why would he voluntarily strap a bomb to his neck?"
"When you bite the fry, the fry bites back, my man."
"The doll continued to wreak havoc beyond what Inagawa had thought."
"I went in the operating room as a celebrity and came out anonymous... it was like being in a witness protection program or being invisible." - Jennifer Grey
"A raw chicken as a result I discovered he then had to live with his parents."
"Who would have thought a pandemic would do this?"
"Condom shortage looms after coronavirus lockdown shuts world's top producer. Boom, baby's coming, everyone's grabbing the toilet paper."
"He got drunk and emailed his teacher... Keep slaying boy."
"Imagine digging a well so deep that it breaks into Hell."
"Stop eating females; if you eat too many females, you start to become a female."
"The results of this event are absolutely insane."
"The spell work these people are doing is causing some crazy [__] to happen."
"A cascade effect is an inevitable and sometimes unforeseen chain of events."
"I have been a proud Club Penguin member since 2007, and for this sentence, I am banned."
"Looking at Rising unemployment as an indicator of a coming recession seems kind of like crossing the street and watching for cars as a bus silently flattens you."
"Prophecy will bite your prick off every time."
"One of these days I'm just gonna get in my Tesla, and it's just gonna drive me right to the police station."
"Now he realizes that the president being eaten by a giant moon snake would be more trouble than it's worth."
"You can't play with a gorilla and think he ain't gonna turn apeshit on you."
"Judgment will come to you when you least expect it, like a thief in the night. That's just the way it be, fam."
"Be very careful next time your Spotify playlist is on shuffle because apparently once you hear this creature's song you'll never be able to escape it."
"It was all fun and games until the deadly car crash."
"If you're out there and you put something in my drink, tell me 'cause I'm gonna high-five you."
"I don't want the possibility of Bear becoming a baby daddy. I don't want to pay doggy child support when he impregnates a little chihuahua."
"It's two reasons: one, I drank part of a glow stick, do you know that they have it, uh, like there's electric crackle."
"It's fun and games until someone loses a tire."
"The Horatio: careful who you call ugly in high school, because he just might use the entire galaxy as a glorified eugenics program."
"The property value just went way down, oh Jesus."
"If you ever feel powerless just remember that a single one of your public hair can shut down an entire restaurant."
"The entry of CBI into the investigation has set the cat among several pigeons."
"I guess things were worse off there than I thought, but I didn't expect things to get taken that far."
"Somebody's about to get a rude [ __ ] awakening from the universe."
"What could possibly be the downside? It's a question that one Alabama woman had answered for her back in 1999."
"I hope it doesn't make me horny because then I'll legitimately be a real priest."
"I saw a doctor on TV one day saying that we may have to wear masks for the rest of our lives. And I thought, I wish he had told me that before I got my kids braces."
"Choy could never have imagined that his death would bring so much trouble to his mother."
"A puppy was the reason for the destruction of the universe."
"Well if I'm not sliding down a mountain covered in oil who would have thought that making a sword would end up hurting something."
"Nobody could have known that such a present would become a catalyst for Young's reign of terror and Inspire him to learn about his first deadly poison antimony."
"Mob had some broccoli seeds in his pocket before the explosion and his power caused the seeds to grow into a massive broccoli known as the divine tree."
"Who knew a plaid doll could cause so much trouble?"
"Yo, I eat these three slices and like I'm on the last slice and I feel something funny happening."
"Cotton could never have anticipated that pieces of a gun he never planned
"on using during this attack would then lead police to the hitman who would then confess everything he knew."
"I just didn't anticipate the effect it would have on me"
"The manager attacks the Barbarian with a sword and feels victorious, but suddenly the Barbarian's blood that fell on the manager's face starts to burn."
"You've let yourself in for a great deal more than you bargained for."
"Mammalian meat allergy is precipitated by having a tick and then you get this alpha-gal reaction."
"There was a young farmer of Leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds. It soon came to pass he was covered in grass, and he couldn't sit down for the weeds."