It Only Happens In The Movies Quotes
"She’s heading toward amazing things but feels suffocated by them."
"Busy was why I’d taken the job. I didn’t care what lies people were happy to watch as long as I was busy enough to not think."
"I smiled back at Ma because smiling is sometimes the only way to stop yourself from crying."
"Every feeling I have, every inch of my heart—it’s yours. It always has been."
"I didn’t understand how everything that had happened with Milo had changed how I felt about my friends when they’d been nothing but great, but it had."
"What do you think of this dress? Isn’t Russell so good-looking? Don’t you think Sarah looked so much better before that haircut? Do you want to go shopping this weekend? I saw this coat, but I’m not sure if it will suit me."
"I wondered how much the world would change if the people who should actually feel guilty in life did feel guilty."
"I’ve got a job." I shrugged. All shruggy shrug. "It conflicts with rehearsals, and it’s not like I’m doing drama anymore. I work at Flicker Cinema now."
"Why the hell haven’t you replied to my messages after sleeping with me?"
"Do you mind if we take things slow because I was raped in college?"
"You can’t have thighs that don’t rub at the top but also looooove hot dogs and beer."
"They never fart, let alone queef, or get their period and accidentally bleed reddy-brown splodges onto their jeans."
"They never ask to have sex with the lights off because they hate their stomachs."
"And even if they are grumpy and difficult, it’s always something that’s mended by the end of the film because some guy with perfectly sculpted arms kisses them in the rain."
"Can you channel all your hate for the human universe into filming?"
"And my zombie bride wants to use her zombieness to eat the brains of Bad Men?"
"I could taste her blood on my tongue. God, I’d missed this feeling."
"I know you better than you know yourself, Audrey."
"This isn’t how I saw today panning out at all."
"Relax, Audrey, the woods are only a five-minute drive away."
"I'm not sure I know you well enough to suck your forehead."
"I don’t think it’s going to be easy to remove."
"I'm about to eat your brain and you're judging me on my appearance?"
"It’s just a very complicated process, Audrey."
"I couldn’t help falling in love. It’s not something you have any control over."
"I do exist. I am here. I am part of this life, whether you like it or not."
"Seeing as you dragged me here. We may as well."
"You’re right! You’re so right. You see! I told you I needed you."
"We watched no films where couples yelled at each other in the kitchen. No films where, ten years after kissing on top of the Eiffel Tower, the couple didn’t even sit on the same sofa."
"What is the point in love, and promises of it, when it can just jump from one person to another like that?"
"The pain of Dad leaving, the pain of Milo then also leaving. I’d put it in a box and locked it up and then put the box at the back of the cupboard and then locked the cupboard and then set fire to the cupboard."
"You’re just like any human," he corrected. "Stop painting all girls with the same brush."
"I hate romances because my family is imploding, okay? I’m so fed up of all the lies everyone tells each other. How none of it lasts. All of it is one big facade."
"It wasn’t our turn anymore. His heart had changed channels, even though our show was still playing."
"They’re dangerous because they’re not real," I said. "Not really. I mean the beginning bit of love is always great, but that’s the only thing romance films focus on. It’s a cop-out. It’s taking the easy way out."
"I’m scared that using it will be ugly," I admitted. His face broke into his wide grin, his teeth almost dazzling. "Which would be a problem in a romance film, Audrey, but this is a zombie film. I want you ugly. I need you ugly."
"Well, okay, so at least sixty percent of everyone’s favorite movie kisses occurred in the rain."
"Nobody ever kisses in drizzle. It’s always the really huge rain that comes out of nowhere, with added lightning."
"Whenever anyone kisses in the movies, they always seem to, like, grab the other person’s head."
"No, my kisses would probably look horrid on camera, but they feel great."
"People only really voted for heteronormative kisses."
"The more you’re trying to prove to people you’re happy, the less happy you actually feel."
"Is love just a parasite that jumps bodies? It always exists, you always have to yearn for someone, and the only way to get over somebody is to obsess about someone else?"
"Do we cover our relationships with mirrors, so all people get are cutesy projections rather than the truth?"
"The ones where people kiss each other just because they can’t not."
"You know that bit in the first Lord of the Rings film? Where Gandalf stands up to that fire demon on the bridge and yells, ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS’? Well... Essentially my vagina had a Gandalf standing at the entrance, and he thought Milo’s dick was a fire demon."
"I think both of us need to stop with the metaphors right now."
"I wasn’t, like, permanently damaged. I’ve just learned to wait for a guy who makes sex feel unpressured and, dare I say it, pleasurable."
"Because that was just Alice. Mentor and beauty junkie—capable of both incredible personal insight and brilliant knowledge of the best filters."
"Because you always leave a little piece of your heart in whoever you fall in love with."
"I need honesty. That’s all I can handle right now. I’m worried you’re going to hurt me."
"I’m fucking petrified I won’t get a second date."
"This kiss erased it all. His kiss told me everything I needed to know. His kiss told me it was time to open up my heart again."
"Every part of me felt full. Every part of me felt good."
"I won’t hurt you. I just wanted to say that. I have no plans of doing anything to hurt you."
"I think I’m falling in love with you, Audrey Winters."
"You know? When a lovely pop song plays in the background as you watch scene after scene of the couple doing cute things together to show how they’re falling in love and time is passing."
"Just imagine how that would’ve turned out if the kid wasn’t white."
"At least people don’t make out in sad movies. I don’t even want to identify the wet stain I found in the duo seat last week."
"Why is your mom so obsessed with romance when her own love life is a freakin’ mess?"
"Your dad and I stayed up all night in Rome after he proposed."
"I didn’t know ranting was contagious. You need to stop hanging out with me so much."
"In Hollywood sex, they always have an incredible first time."
"I’m not sure if it counted. It . . . it hurt."
"It shouldn’t hurt, you know that, right? Even if you’re a virgin, it doesn’t have to hurt."
"Once Harry and I started having sex, we didn’t really do any activity that wasn’t having sex if we could possibly help it."
"It’s fine. It’s sexy! You’ll like it. I’m good at it."
"They want a diamond in the rough! Not someone doing the Macbeth soliloquy for the eighth time in a row."
"All sorts, I guess. I mean, we mainly get married couples, in their middle age I guess, but it’s not definitive."
"No person is ever perfect for another person."
"They all say it’s a choice. Every last one of them."
"But romance films never really show those parts."
"This is just what sex gods do with their chests."
"You’re lucky I’m choosing to focus on IT-related world domination rather than drama-related world domination."
"I GAVE MY WHOLE LIFE. EVERYTHING. FOR WHAT? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID I GIVE IT FOR?"
"Oh, hi, Audrey. We’re losing the house, ISN’T THAT JUST FUCKING FANTASTIC?"
"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN, I HATE HIM, HATE HIM, HATE HIIIIIIIIIIIM!"
"It’s not your fault—none of this is your fault."
"I’m so proud of you, Audrey. I know it’s not been easy. But I think things may change now. I mean, they have to."
"It doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense."
"We sobbed together, spilled like milk on the floor, the pinching scent of paint making our eyes water even more."
"The course of finding true love cannot run smoothly. Hero and heroine can never simply meet, get along, kiss and The End."
"P.S. Most of these big mistakes in romance films could be resolved if the couple only had a freakin’ conversation."
"While I watched my mom go to the hospital, you were fucking someone else. What else does it look like?"
"No one ever tells you how much heartbreak physically hurts. How it literally feels like you’ve been kicked down the stairs."
"Because what I’d learned was, love isn’t just a feeling. Love is a choice too."
"The only love affair I needed to invest in right now was one with myself."
"It’s more about how the best love comes out of knowing someone really well—their quirks, their neuroticisms, their annoying habits. True love is about taking that all in and saying, 'Yeah, I’m still here.'"
"Sometimes boys—not all boys . . . but a lot of damn boys—fall in love with the idea of a girl rather than the girl herself."