How Do You Like Me Now? Quotes
"Life isn’t a paint-by-numbers. You cannot find yourself along an identikit path."
"Sitting there, cross-legged in that fucking tent in Sedona. Chanting bollocks with a load of wankers, wearing a rosary necklace for God’s sake. That’s when it hit me …"
"I was doing what I thought I should be doing rather than what I fucking needed to be doing."
"Turning thirty is like playing musical chairs. The music stops and everyone just fucking marries whoever they happen to be sitting on."
"Exercise really does help your motherf*cking mental health."
"Who needs a hymen when you can spend £2,000 on white lace? Jenny Packham can metaphorically sew you back up again."
"Getting married doesn’t mean you’re happy. Especially if you’re suddenly getting married to whoever you’re with at thirty because everyone else is doing it."
"Please get out of your fucking chair and fucking say something."
"The best part of being in love with someone is having them there to catch you if you fall."
"It is the truth. But if it's really true, then why am I so desperate to share it?"
"I am good at this. I am looking after a small child and I am good at this."
"You can be difficult, and yet someone will find it so easy to love you."
"I picture him laughing with his disgusting work friends about which one is the prettiest."
"I’ve been trying to re-read both of her books before I meet her in Berlin. This is her slightly newer one. It’s called: Love Me As I Am."
"I never thought I’d be one of those women who stays in a relationship because she is scared, but maybe I am."
"Because it’s so much less painful to believe him, than to leave."
"It was the most perfect date of perfect first dates."
"You can do just as much damage by not saying anything as you can by saying something."
"I mean, he’s still like that sometimes. That’s why we’re still together. But of course, he was more like that at the beginning – everyone always is."
"What nobody tells you about your twenties is that you lose the methods with which to measure who you are, and how well you’re doing."
"Not enough credit is given to what a mindfuck your twenties are."
"In your thirties, the stakes suddenly get so high."
"You make decisions that are hard to get out of. So you pretend they're the right ones."
"And isn’t that what happiness is? Fleeting moments, rather than a permanent state of euphoria."
"It’s a scientific impossibility surely, then… that I am capable of feeling this lonely?"
"You’re only invisible in London until you start sobbing publicly, then you’re visible enough for everyone to avoid you."
"I can picture it traveling through my bloodstream, depositing itself as cellulite onto my arse."
"I never knew it was possible to feel so lonely when you’re in a relationship."
"But I can’t lose Tom. I’m not sure why, but I can’t lose Tom."
"This is such a good idea. This will sort out everything."
"I am young enough and I'm hot and I'm good at sex."
"I'm quite sure I'm the sexiest thing in London right now."
"Everything I’ve ever seen on TV where a girl does this has resulted in the man giving in."
"Love has nothing to do with how besotted you are in those heady first two years."
"Tom may very well be the only chance I get for this kind of happiness."
"You only end relationships when one of you is no longer in love with the other."
"Surely anything that hurts this much is the wrong thing?"
"Being in your thirties is like a game of Snakes and Ladders."
"I am together Tori. I am let's-talk-about-this-and-then-laugh Tori."
"The entire dynamic between us has shifted with just one evening of me telling the truth."
"Every woman is spiky. And you need to find someone who wants to hang decorative freaking baubles off your spiky bits."
"I have to accept that he may wake up and not want to be with me anymore."
"Being bored in your job is not cool, but she’ll one day realise it’s much more uncool to be constantly worried about money."
"The thrill it gives me. The unashamed thrill."
"If I break up with Tom, it will be like sliding down that really long arsehole snake."
"When it’s good with Tom, it’s out of this world good."
"Isn’t it funny how you never appreciate what you have until it’s about to be taken away?"
"Lies We Tell Ourselves: How much do you need to lie in order to make a long-term relationship work?"
"You cannot put your happiness into another person."
"It’s hard that we always argue. It’s hard that he won’t let me talk about the future."
"True success is living the life you want to live and not caring what other people think."
"It’s OK to want commitment, you know? You can be strong and still want a partner to meet your needs."
"Sometimes you’ve got to be brave enough to be your own hero."
"Maybe not today, but tomorrow, you might just surprise yourself with the strength you find within."
"The only way out is through and I’ll be taking a break from this account indefinitely."
"You have to take responsibility for your choices, even when they lead to paths you never expected to tread."
"It takes strength to reject all the things the world tells you to be."
"Bless the baby. Buy a candle for all of your guests, light them, and get everyone to say a blessing for the baby. This ritual is a super-cute way to bond the party."
"Why not get everyone at the shower to put their thumbprint onto a picture to make into a unique piece of art to hang in the baby’s room?"
"I have never found the words ‘basic’ and ‘bitch’ so hugely necessary to be used together."
"It’s only a matter of time before our sentimental ‘thumbprint art’ is released to the government for ‘our own safety’."
"I’m copying the instructions but it’s just not working."
"What would have happened otherwise? They’d have shoved your baby back in and refused to deliver it until you’d got a landing strip?"
"The thing is, this is him trying. I know him so well and I know this is him really, really trying. But his trying is breaking my heart."
"The act of procreation merely an exercise in being able to sustain conversation?"
"It’s not like I don’t want to grow old, I just want to do it in that graceful way everyone always bangs on about."
"But now ... I feel about ten stone lighter, and I’m so much happier."
"Christmas is everywhere by the time I’m allowed to see her."
"Rumour has it that YOU’VE HAD A BABY," I yell into the intercom. "I’m coming to check these unsubstantiated claims."
"We stand there quietly. Janice sleeps, head on one side, little fists clenched, lost in whatever unconsciousness newborns have."
"‘She’s so small.’ ‘Well, she was so very early.’"
"What beautiful news and what a beautiful baby. Wishing you all the best on this most special of days."
"I thought I was going to die. I actually thought I was dying."
"It just makes me sad to hear you say that, that’s all."
"‘I love you too.’ The grief makes it come out like a whistle, one you can hardly hear."
"You can build a relationship for so many years... Then in just one moment, you can blow at it gently by telling the truth and the relationship collapses like a teetering house of cards."
"I will not lie any more. I will not pretend it’s OK when it isn’t."
"I’m smiling as I watch the screen fade to black."