"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear."
"History is Victor von doomed to repeat itself."
"Remember to ask your friends if they take their history for granite."
"Why couldn't the basketball stay in a relationship because it was always bouncing around."
"Sorry, I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
"Please be a 'C', cuz you'd be damn straight."
"Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems - a classic nerdy pun from ChatGPT!"
"All this hardware for Paul's hardware, it makes sense now."
"Why was it called the dark ages? Because of all the nights."
"That's ill eagle, you're gonna need medical treatment."
"Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'll just let it go."
"The best part of waking up is starting Cooper Kupp."
"Turn off those lights, grab some candy corn, and prepare yourself for a scary good time, pun intended."
"This connection just makes sense, like dollars and cents."
"Are you a Big Bayou Can, or a Big Bayou Canot?"
"What did the triangle say to the circle? You're so pointless."
"I appreciated the pun and the play on the word of Citizen Kane, Citizen Chain."
"Mary Rose sat on a pin... Mary Rose."
"Pinball is flipping great, and that's a pun I'm happy with."
"This is truly a matcha made in heaven."
"What happens when a battery commits a crime? It gets charged."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? They escape from Chick-fil-A."
"She looks like she has her [expletive] together, no pun intended."
"What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe."
"Literally Timeless, no pun intended."
"What do you call a pencil without lead? Pointless."
"The Norway Navy has barcodes on the side of their ships so when they come back to port they can Scandinavian. Wow, cheesy."
"Con Air" is kind of what happens when you write a script based on a pun.
"Why was the broom running late? Traffic."
"Why did the hipster burn their tongue? Because they ate their food before it was cool. Okay."
"What's the difference between a grimy bus station and a lobster with breast implants? One is a krusty bus station, the other's a busty crust station."
"Katie Price: It's pricey. The Price is Right, isn't it just?"
"That was jawesome. You know I had to say it."
"I taught my cousin to hold the handle, later on, I was his paw bearer."
"Let's cook something up. No pun intended."
"If a lizard loses his tail where does he go get get another one Retail Store."
"If you knew the fish-based pun was taken away from you, you would know we want it back."
"These little props will be flying all over the place, no pun intended."
"Don't forget to be on time, pun intended. Live long and prosper."
"Instead of Raw, should they have called it Half Baked?"
"What do ghosts put on their bagels? Sesame screams."
"Two jumper cables walk into a bar and the bartender says well all right I'll serve you but don't start anything."
"I'm putting this on us, it has to be at least for the next week a pun about the MCU."
"Three tomatoes are walking down the street. Papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind and pop tomato gets really angry, goes back, and squishes him and says, 'Ketchup.'"
"Where do fish keep their money? Oh, I get it, a riverbank!"
"The word Babel, Bavel, means Gate of the God, but it's the basis for a wonderful pun in Hebrew, which also actually happens to work in English. Babble nonsensical speaking, confusion of language."
"When somebody said, 'That's not very funny,' but he goes, 'No, but it's very punny.'"
"I want to build a job, a movie title pun."
"What's the difference between a bad joke and a dad joke? One letter."
Smart pun: "Pentagon, hexagon, octagon, your money gone."
"Venice's rich history, pun intended."
"not cute but delicious a new show coming to you from bone Appetit"
"You look sharp man, no pun intended."
"Hey Junior, I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me."
"What did the plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me."
"What's a pirate's favorite Toyota? The C-H-R. You know, 'Arrr'."
"Did you hit him with a coconut? Nice, that was nutty."
"What did the pencil say to the paper? You've got a good point."
"Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged."
"What's a pirate's favorite body part? Now you might think it's the arm, but it's really the booty."
"What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you."
"Why can't you trust stairs? Because they're always up to something."
"What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sandwich!"
"I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the Hops."
"An ankh-shaped mirror is a visual pun. It's a play on words."
"What do they call the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when they make breakfast? Spreeder."
"Many are called, but few are frozen."
"What do you call a round-headed guy that looks beige? P.K. Nuts."
"Storybrooke. Adorable. Adorable. Usually, I'm like not too fond of like super cheesy pun-like things like that, but stop it. That was adorable."
"He's accused of pooping out on a pup."
"The Roman emperor's wife hates playing hide and seek because wherever she goes, Julius Caesar."
"Him leaving like that was cool bro, no pun intended."
"What do you call a belt made of clocks? A waist of time."
"Did you hear about the Lego guy that died? May he Rest In Pieces."
"It's 'Revenge of the Fifth.' Tomorrow's 'Revenge of the Sixth.' Both days are Sith days because there are always two, no more, no less."
"You've got to keep calm and Curry on."
"Where do cows go on the weekends? The moo-vies!"
"Putting cheddar cheese all over a perfectly good pizza is probably nacho cheese."
"What kind of witch goes to the beach? A sandwich!"
"Mate, I wasn't Egyptian. I sphinx!"
"Justice League more like just [__] League."
"Mime finally breaks silence says it's been mime over matter."
"...thank you guys so much for being here today and remind you that you're just my type writer."
"Speaking of bells I got a brother named Bill hey Bill hi cool."
"Who's doing the math over there, a flat fish? That's shrimply resharkable."
"If there's no aswang with her ass hanging out, that is a pun that is completely missed and she hit the mark."
"Hooray for Choo chewing Choo choose."
"With all that bread, it's safe to say another one bites the crust." - Oba Chandler
"I didn't know if the yellow was going to cut the mustard, I'm so sorry, I had to do it, but it definitely does."
"...why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing."
"Some people love Good Friday because they just Seafood things."
"This to me is the creme de La Creme, no pun intended."
"I stayed up all night wondered where the sun went and then it dawned on me."
"If you guys go camping together, it will be intense."
"When I go, I hope they put my ashes in a glass urn. Remains to be seen."
"What do you call a sheep driving a car? A Lamborghini."
"Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? For drizzle."
"I wouldn't buy anything with velcro, it's a total rip-off."
"Why do conductors see so bad? Because they have complete tunnel vision."
"So a mushroom walks into a bar, and the bartender says, 'Get out, we don't serve your kind in here.' And the mushroom says, 'But why not? I'm a fun guy.'"
"A fish and chip shop called 'The Codfather'."
"A greengrocers called 'Planet of the Grapes'."
"You know why circles are so bad at telling jokes? They're always pointless."
"What does a dinosaur use to cut wood? A dino-saw. Get it?"
"Why did the tree buy a camera? To photosynthesize."
"I went to a doctor. All he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula."
"Oh Tennessee, you're the only ten I see."
"What do you call a cow that's fallen to the ground? Ground beef."
"Dracula, why? Great question. Because he sucks. Ah, that's actually pretty cute."
"You're certainly making profits ..."
"The Big Sleep becomes 'The Big Sheep'."
"Our mountains aren't just funny, they are hill-areas."
"What did the slow tomato say to the rest of the tomatoes? Don't worry, I'll catch up."
"We're getting our eggsercise, I love that."
"Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney? Because it suits him."
"What do you call an American bee? A USB."
"Outside of the box thinking, pun intended."
"Why did the cow cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the 'moo-vie' theater."
"What do you call a nervous witch? A jitter-witch."
"Rest in peace, old lawn equipment, or Rest In Pieces."
"What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher."
"Why was the mushroom always invited to the party? Because he was such a fun guy."
"I don't trust the stairs, they're always up to something."
"Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side."
"What do you call a bear that's also a dentist? A molar bear."
"Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe."
"Exactly, and I think it's a good thing. A fairy good thing."
"What do you call James Bond taking a bath? Bubble 07."
"This Beatles show is giving me a rubber sole."
"Why did the ducky go to jail? He got caught selling quack."
"What do you call a dinosaur with rotten eggs? Eggs-stinct."
"Can always use a quick kitty pause... oh, I guess that's kind of a pun there, but you know what I meant."
"What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time."
"Bulma's name is a pun on the name 'bloomers'."
"It would be a grave mistake to miss Boneville aboard the Cedar Point and Lake Erie railroads."
"I don't like stairs, they're always up to something."
"I don't like elevators, I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them."
"Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive."
"Hey, why don't the other gods trust Poseidon? Because there's something fishy about him."
"Hey, did I ever tell you what a dentist's favorite animal is? It's a molar bear. Get it?"
"I don't want to get into treble over some baseless claim about the length of this video, so we'll stop now before this whole thing just goes over a clef."
"That's probably the best pun I've ever heard."
"What's a skeleton's favorite food? Hmm, bone meal."
"What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad."
"This is fundamental work. Emphasis on the word fun."
"What did the bodybuilder say when he opened his tub of protein powder? No whey."
"Somebody said the pun Skeletober celebration, we were all like, yes!"
"What did the fish say when he hit the brick wall? Damn."
"I want to remind you that you're just my type writer."
"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor!"
"Hey guys, you want to know how a dinosaur takes a selfie? He uses a camera-saurus!"
"It's a two-con party because my daughter is turning two, so get it? Two-con!"
"You might even say it's a 'cool' whip."
"I love you in queso you need a reminding."
"You look more like a fun guy, you know, a fun guy."
"Why do magnets win beauty pageants? Because they’re so... attractive!"
"What do you call a positive rabbit? A hoptimist."
"What you call a pig that can do karate? Pork chop."
"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailer."
"That's delicious. They raisin the stakes with this one."
"So what do princes wear on their feet? Hair Jordans, because they're air to the throne."
"Cruella Deville was a cruel devil."
"The difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle: a tire."
"I just stepped on a cornflake; well, I am officially a serial killer."
"That was just a pun, limit limit, that was dirty."
"This is an absolute treat of a building experience, pun intended."
"Safe to say we are a little bit amped up for this upgrade, pun intended."
"What noise does a cat make in a racing car? Me-ow!"
"Lemon fish with lemons, that's right, I'm in cello, Limoncello."
"Thank you for the support, you are one in a melon."
"Why did the picture go to prison? Because it got framed."
"Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they're shellfish."
"Surf the Internet. Surfboard. Get it?"
"I don't trust those trees over there. They seem a little shady."
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks to the golf course? In case they get a hole in one."
"Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera."
"No gain without grain, it's Master Bread!"
"Did you hear about the haunted French pancakes? They'll give you the crepes."
"Why did the Wi-Fi signal refuse to talk about its work life? It said, 'Sorry, but it's none of your busy net.'"
"What do you call a dog on a submarine? A subwoofer."
"I just bought a wig at the store; it was a small price to pay."
"Have you ever fallen in love with a magnet? I've heard they're pretty attractive."
"What do you call a dinosaur with bad vision? Do you think he saw us?"
"What do you call two guys hanging around a window? Curtain rod."
"Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a real pain in the neck."
"What did one hot dog say to the other? 'Hey, Frank.'"
"So far this challenge is a pizza cake."
"Why are skeletons so confident? Because there's no bones about them."
"So happy got out, and then they all felt grumpy."
"Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping? On the web."
"I thought the seafood Admiral was admirable."
"What happens to ducks that fly upside down? They quack up."
"Did you hear there was a fire at the shoe factory? Many soles were lost."
"Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way."
"He was booked for salt and battery."
"What do you call two fungi that get married?"
"If there's a whisk, there's a way."
"Can't February March? No, but April May."
"What do you call a kebab that's having a bad day? A shish ke-bad."
"Why wasn't Voldemort at the Yule Ball? He had nobody to go with."