"Okay, that was sarcasm in case you didn't catch that."
"Sarcasm is a double-edged blade, and cynicism is perhaps a double-edged blade as well, but it might even be worse than sarcasm because it's a way of really reflecting back what's not good about life."
"Sarcasm and cynicism... are often used to cut down what would otherwise be benevolence or bonding experiences."
"Just buy me another Lamborghini, it's not that hard, they have a dealership, there's different colors."
"Your views aren't total garbage. What do you want, a trophy? Do your own learning. Google's free."
"The judge loves Mark Feather as much as John Crook loves my backside."
"I love getting requests from my audience, as though you people know what you want."
"There definitely isn't at least a broad cultural problem of white people being oppressed or even bullied for drinking water out of milk jugs."
"Dear Mom and Dad, thanks for giving us life. It's been awful, and thanks for giving me Ashley, she's been awful too."
"I've learned so much and I've observed how people interact socially... I understand sarcasm now."
"Are you going to be okay? It sounds like you're allergic to winning."
"An unwelcome gift, oh lovely. This is hideous, a crappy statue, thank you for that, much appreciated."
"I love you all. Alright, now that they're gone, they probably won't survive."
"Why don't they give us a break; we're just trying to spread some democracy here."
"The moon is finally useful for once instead of being lazy."
"Why don't you plan when I go to the toilet, eat meals, and go to bed?" - a sarcastic comment read.
"This is an example if history doesn't just repeat, it rhymes. This is a Habsburg Dynasty pissing contest over a strip of land most people can't find, don't care about, has no strategic value to anybody."
"Oh look, another glorious morning. Makes me sick."
"Allow me to cordially invite Texas Republicans and the conservative members of the Supreme Court to sincerely [__]."
"You wouldn't know a controversial subject if it slapped you in the face, mate."
"Oh wait, you're serious? Let me laugh even harder."
"The use of irony to mock or convey contempt."
"/s communicates 'I do not believe this. I am saying this because I think that contextually it would be funny if I did literally believe this,' and that’s like, actually helpful information, which normally would be difficult to infer through text alone."
"Forgive me, you ignorant fuck, but sarcasm is all I fucking got."
"That's what's scary about sarcasm; you either attract someone that gets your funny or someone that actually agrees with you."
"And we look forward to the year 2017, where I'm sure nothing terrible will happen. Nothing at all. It'll be a year of fun, of frolics, and of thanking God for me."
"At least he ended up with a little [__] am I right?"
"congratulations idiot you've made it past the halfway mark of the book"
"McDonald's coffee is more important than your kids' future because I work more."
"This is definitely a deck for the duelist who wants the world to know they have a quadruple digit IQ and they refuse to use it to make the world a better place."
"Congratulations, you've accomplished nothing."
"She thought this was an epic roast and the best way to show she doesn't care, while showing very strongly that she does care a lot."
"Yeah, you can see how that worked out great."
"You're gonna be Virgin Mary, be pregnant. You're not going to have a baby, deliver the baby!"
"You know what they need to put in the grifter Hall of Fame? Hotep Jesus, number one, right there."
"World War II was hilarious...said no one ever."
"It's the equivalent of opening up a restaurant, putting up a sign and saying, come on in, just don't eat the food."
"What is this, my little pony or something? My lovely chimera, ah no, let's just do chimera."
"More power to them. That's what I wear every day. I wake up and I think, if only the world had less people dressing provocatively, that surely that would fix life's problems."
"I would like the United States of America to purchase property for me on Nantucket Island as a reward for all the countless lives I've saved."
"Can you imagine a Team of the Year goddamn Fatty?"
"I'm so glad your stupidity surpassed my every expectation."
"It's the mix of high intensity emotional drama and razor sharp dead pan sarcasm that made the show the phenomenon that it was."
"Technical analysis works a hundred percent of the time in hindsight."
"They say if you criticize the raid you're inciting violence against the FBI who is doing the lourdes work of sniffing Melania's shoes."
"It must be nice to judge people's financial situation when you have a net worth of 475 million dollars."
"Corruption at its finest. How hard to put some balls in a pot? Like, come on."
"I bet wo's hospital doesn't have a helicopter."
"So the questions are why aren't you angrier, what's wrong with Donald Trump's soul, and also why are you the greatest person who has ever lived? Job really tough stuff there from the media."
"Hold my hand, Alle. That way, the whole world can see that we're on the same team as I tell you that you are stupid, dumb, incorrect, and nobody in the room wants you here."
"When peacefulness intensifies, apparently that's when you set fire to a courthouse, damage a police station, and assault police officers. But it's mostly peaceful, guys."
"It's fine. It's fine. I meant to lose. I'm so happy."
"He loves them, right? 'I love all of you. I love all of New York so much that I killed off all of your grandparents and parents, but I really love you.'" - Sarah Gonzalez
"That's a brilliant opportunity to stick it to our parents."
"Thanks for joining us... hopefully never discuss it again."
"Every time it's like, 'Oh nice try pass it on to the toilet.'"
"Wall Street [ __ ] all those people oh poor pee pee you can't buy your second yacht you know i
i love it i [ __ ] love it because that's why they rail on about free markets all the time but now here is the breaking news"
"Do you want this floor milk that we managed to wring out the mop into a bottle for you?"
"If media says it's true, it has to be true. That's all there is to it."
"Their loss... missing out on a few extra inches on their penis."
"Watch and learn, kids. This is quite an expensive burn actually."
"Thank you all again. I hope you all have a lovely rest of your day, unless you're Prince Charles."
"You cannot just rob people out of billions of dollars and then host a beauty pageant."
"Anyone got a free holiday completely free of charge? Oh my god you're kidding! No no no they're not joking."
"Capitalism didn't pan out for you, brother. Hey, just pick yourself up by your bootstraps."
"Oh, he's trolling, a rush, okay, well, he's just going for a free slogan, he's sick."
"As long as you speak the vocabulary, you can be as garbage at your job as it is possible to be and you will still be treated as though you are a wondrous politician."
"It's just nice to have one week of hope... and sarcastic retweets, but you know, mostly hope."
"It seemed like the only sane, sensible, and decent person with any sense of self-preservation on 'Soap' was Benson DuBois, the highly intelligent and sarcastic cook and butler for the well-off Tate family - played by Robert Guillaume."
"Wow, what a novel concept dude, what a freaking novel concept."
"Thanks for making me whole again, you're being mean aren't you? No really thanks, I believe this is the sarcasm."
"Enjoy that pudding off the tray and concrete bed for the rest of your life in jail."
"I hate them both [__] probably ridiculousness there's a little moment yeah there's more parity."
"That's amazing this is just par for the course at this point."
"But other than that, things are going great."
"Damn, that like it brought us so much. Really, right now? When you said LaPlace, I was like, I can tell."
"I need it from food, thank you so much, I appreciate that, you are so phony."
"We're not serious. We are just not a serious nation. But hey, who cares? Let's talk about something that we're more important, like I don't know, climate change, right?"
"I'm no astronomer, but the world revolves around the Sun, not you. Duh."
"This game is perfectly balanced, has no exploits whatsoever and is working exactly as the developers intended."
"An actress who moved to the left, crazy I know!"
"Please, do yourself the favor and perfect the art of being a sarcastic a-hole."
"Stunning and brave, yeah. Oh, and completely no no hypocrisy there at all."
"Being smarter than Chuck is like being smarter than your dog, no offense."
"This is the kind of Wall Street stuff, this is how the suits crank in the freaking dope money. That's exactly what they do."
"A great way to make yourself feel better is to make other people feel worse."
"The alt-right online presence is also first irony sarcasm... maybe we need to match a little bit of that."
"Yes, he cried. Yes, he cried. But you know what he won't do? Invade Ukraine."
"That's a good thing though, isn't it? What are you, some kind of pervert?"
"Sarcasm is a way for smart people to deal with the stupidity of the world."
"And the Emmy award goes to Ava for being such a fake phony actress."
"The test obviously can't be wrong. Plague mass guy, clearly not incorrect."
"If Cuff had any idea what it's like to have a job..."
"The Justin Bieber of this whole crap community."
"Are you serious? Are you really that clueless?"
"The lesson learning aspect of the show remained but there was often a lot more sarcasm, cynicism, and meta-humor along the way."
"Can we do this already? Oh, adult italics, of course we did."
"Literally anybody who's ever used a keyboard before knows that you're not special."
"It's not about the gold, it's about the friends you killed along the way."
"Thank God Jed isn't in charge of video game design."
"I couldn't care less is a direct statement, I could care less is sarcasm."
"You said Kent is Steve's surname now? Divorce congrats... I'm taking it."
"this is totally 100 legit and a 100 in a 100 percent sarcastic way"
"That would be like me selling you a kilo of cocaine and then calling the police saying, 'Hey, I know someone who's buying drugs for me.'"
"Single issue voters are known for their intelligence, by the way."
"Thank you UPS, I'm sure this poster that says 'do not bend' right on the packaging will hang up great."
"I'd rather lift zero weight and get the physique that I want."
"How dare you even think it could be possible, right?"
"I feel really bad for you, man. You have it so, so rough. Maybe make your life a little easier and hire people to edit your reactions to cut out your dead air and only show the parts that you actually react to."
"To you I'm not hurting anyone, I mean really reverse the cold condition. What a bottle of water!"
"Overall very weak, not a lot of substance, but we'd give it a nine point five. Like, fuck you dude."
"Nor of their sorceries, there's your Harry Potter right there."
"If men are agreeing with you, you said something stupid."
"But also, I mean, if you want to charge your phone faster, couldn't you just have like a wall wart by your desk?"
"Gosh marketing 101. I already said well I don't think marketers usually say like 'Oh I tricked you,' they just say 'Give me the money, you know?'"
"Chinese netizens flooded the comments section with sarcastic remarks."
"He's provided us with a very enjoyable cover-up story."
"Oh, come on. It was a little fun, right? You cannot honestly stand there and tell me that it didn't feel kind of great to kick all those guys' asses."
"The Royal Family's wealth, unlike their gene pool, is massive."
"Yup, yes, yeah, believe it or not, the murder scene pictures feature dead bodies. Yeah, it's not saying blood and yucky's."
"Tertullian takes a more acerbic tone... simply mocking his opponents."
"Are you really? Are you really? A lot of people would love to be that persecuted, Dippy."
"Why couldn't he just say it was like flour or something? You're in the kitchen, he should have just said it was cocaine."
"It's all about the money, it's all about the politics, it's all about the... comedy."
"Let's get to what other people really want ignorant uninformed uh let's give these 92 percenters what they want to hear."
"Beta O'Rourke: From punk rock band to President."
"I think you're a beautiful singer." "Yeah, whatever." - Valerie Bertinelli & Christina Aguilera
"So he can miss me with the tiny violins and the tattoo tears."
"Acceleration doesn't say slow, it's pretty slow dude."
"What if the soy milk was just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?"
"This voluntary pilot program will be about as voluntary as the medical mandates are."
"They're not paying for the question, they're paying for the abuse."
"Can we just bow our heads and have a moment of silence for every man who tried to turn a hoe into a housewife."
"Who needs uploads when you have the sellout timer?"
"Using your monopoly money does not prove that white privilege doesn't exist."
"These words sound positive, but if you disagree, you're ousted, done, and fined a million dollars."
"Yeah, you want a free graphics card, you have to use a minute of your time. I want a free $3,000 graphics card with markup, but I don't want to click a."
"Could you not scan for the Mosasaurus? It can't hide, the motherfucker is enormous."
"That doesn't sound like a recession to me, thank you very much."
"But who I'm really worried about in these difficult times is our nation's true heroes. Celebrities."
"These are just those silly Chinese that abandon their homeland, right?"
"Does it feel like a Red Wave? Yeah, of course it does. And again, I'm not paid to say that. I'm paid to say, you know, we have a fate and feel. I mean, I get it."
"You act like you're mindless flesh burritos."
"You literally are lying out of your teeth, I carried you guys to death, I have to ask, is my Fuji water working?"
"Finally a person like that could be President of the United States slow clap America well done."
"That's nice. The question was how do you justify working for Apple, and we solved racism."
"EP estimated 14 miles per gallon so that you know downsized [__] really worked for them."
"Yeah pipelines don't leak... 55,000 gallons leaked... nothing to see here."
"Let's end it on a positive, let's go back to wiping your ass."
"He's an investment, it's literally... they fuckin are."
"Side effects may include protein... said no one ever."
"Who's laughing now? It perfectly exemplified how outrageous the cryptocurrency marketplace had gotten."
"You guys are making this really appealing to do, okay?"
"You have to admire it. That's a great phrase that my friend Viva Fry came up with, I think that they constantly are telling you what they're doing and they're telling you that you're doing it."
"I guess if all thieves and criminals are just like this guy the world will finally know peace."
"Bless your heart really means you're an idiot."
"Having a man like me show you the ropes, why don't we just skip this whole charade?"
"Actual insanity. Your son is not magic, Karen."
"If people are going to be corrupt, at least be smart about it. They're just so dumb about everything they do."
"It's like saying you're only winning the race because you're running faster than everybody else. What? How is that even a criticism?"
"Great amount of trust for media and media is like awesome job guys that's us pick up your trophy like it's truly it's." -
"Yeah, I mean it is a little funky, but the thing has a turbo. Where's your turbo, Karen? There is no turbo."
"Even if we get caviar this summer even if we get you know tom dick and harry in the summer i'm just yeah just yeah a little bit more than pregnant jesus."
"European political institutions are so simple… Said no one. Ever."
"Yo, drama class was never your strong point, was it, Sjin?"
"Toxic gamers when they die in a game. Good relation with your mother, I have."
"Stop saying education is indoctrination or you flatterers sound fucking stupid when you say it."
"Sarcasm... integral to British life, to British humor."
"The Democrats have nothing. We will examine all that nothing."
"Oh, are you gonna shut your mouth? Because that would be a surprise."
"'Okay, wait, so she expected to get some sort of first class rescue while everyone else was still stuck on the ship? Wait, how did we get here? Oh right, sex with the captain.'"
"When somebody reaches the point where their argument turns into sarcasm, they've run out of argument."
"A Mitch McConnell promise is as trustworthy as a husband with glitter on his face."
"Dan, you're probably the bigger victim than a single mother is. Congratulations on beating a woman at her own game."
"Never has a man done so little to be recognized by so many."
"What if they don't have capital, dog? What the [__]? Yeah, just go buy a fixer-upper dude, yeah because everyone has like uh enough money to just like rent out."
"You're the worst. Yeah, your boyfriend doesn't seem to think so."
"I can't even imagine a child being impressed: 'Oh my God, you got a chemical burn!'"
"Imagine if you will a virus so dangerous you have to be tested to know that you had it."
"Someone stopped watching me because of my relationship advice—completely sarcastic, of course."
"So did it work? Yup, I absolutely now love the original pointless cabin fever at all its obnoxious jackass characters."
"Just figure out the worst thing to do at the worst time and that's what they'll do."
"They're just a bunch of spotlight burglars and no, that's what they showed up for. They're just like, 'Oh look at us, we're fighting for freedom' and it's like, what did you do, send a strongly worded letter?"
"Always big enough phonic alright here's our first victim."
"Puttin' doesn't sound human he sounds like a self-checkout at a CVS 'Ready for interaction please to place item in the big seriously guys what a weird phrase.'"
"What you didn't know all these things were you not listening in Sunday school as a child?"
"Being an idiot is easy but taking credibility is hard. Good job, buddy."
"Don't do drugs kids... unless someone offers you them for free."
"There's just something so [__] hilarious about that."
"The dumbest and most worthless thing of all time... confers you membership into clubs with Arthur Hayes."
"The experiment in Vault 77 was…oh, come on. It’s right there in the name, people."
"I love buying games and not being able to play them."
"You guys you caught red-handed now you're like oh oh yeah this is what we should be doing, yeah no [ __ ] no [ __ ] you should have been doing this."
"Y'all already don't make the same amount of money as us, you might as well take the day off."
"If criminals have never smiled, just like you."
"Empathy not your thing? You seem fun at parties."
"She brought the camera to... what, did she put it inside her old ass butt cheeks?"
"Nothing is written in stone, yeah you're right, I read it right there, right in the stone."
"That's my second lesson: abuse your family if you have one."