The Nanny Diaries Quotes
"Every season of my nanny career kicked off with a round of interviews so surreally similar that I'd often wonder if the mothers were slipped a secret manual at the Parents League to guide them through."
"No other event epitomized the job as perfectly, and it always began and ended in an elevator nicer than most New Yorkers' apartments."
"She is always tiny. Her hair is always straight and thin; she always seems to be inhaling and never exhaling."
"Her eyes go directly to the splot on my skirt. I blush. I haven't even opened my mouth and already I'm behind."
"I am then invited into the living room, which varies from baronial splendor to Ethan Allen interchangeable, depending on how 'old' the money is."
"She is clearly reeling with pleasure at my sheer Caucasianness."
"I love children. I love little hands and little shoes and peanut butter sandwiches and peanut butter in my hair and Elmo."
"It would be more than a privilege to take care of her child. It would be an adventure."
"I mean, she gave birth to it and she doesn't want to do it, so why would I?"
"The closest we get to the possibility that I might actually be doing this for money is the topic of my baby-sitting experience, which I describe as a passionate hobby, much like raising Seeing Eye dogs for the blind."
"Ultimately, there would come a turning point in every job when it seemed that the child and I were the only three-dimensional people running around on the black-and-white marble chessboards of those apartments."
"Just how does an intelligent, adult woman become someone whose whole sterile kingdom has been reduced to alphabetized lingerie drawers and imported French dairy substitutes?"
"You never know what the customer might be overwhelmed with appreciation."
"I'm so not one of them I can't be trusted to perform even the simplest task."
"The girl with her own cell phone calls her best friend."
"It's as if, suddenly, her life depends on LAVENDER WATER or MILK or EDAMAME."
"It's okay to miss Caitlin. Missing her shows that you love her."
"Eventually, Caitlin drags him over to me with a Frisbee in hand."
"I feel as though the whole world is sticking its tongue out at me."
"I crouch down, wrapping my arms around her neck, and burrow my head in her brown and white fur."
"They think there was a day," H.H. says quietly, turning his head to me.
"How original of you. You want to know who the dads are? They're you in about two more years. And they're not fucking the nanny. They're not fucking their wives. They're not fucking anyone. Because they get fat, they go bald, they lose their appetites and drink, a lot, because they have to, not because they want to."
"Nanny, The party was a great success. Thank you so much for your help."
"PRADA! P-R-A-D-A. As in Madonna. As in Vogue. As in, watch me walk off in style, you khaki-wearing, pager-carrying, golf-playing, Wall Street Journal-toting, Gangsta-Hip-Hop-listening, Howard Stern-worshiping, white-hat-backward-sporting, arrogant jerk-offs!"
"Nana also troubled Mr. Darling in another way. He had sometimes a feeling that she did not admire him."
"The whole limo holds its breath. This man of mystery, who has, for the most part, eluded me and, I daresay, the rest of my riding companions for the past two months, deserves a full freeze-frame."
"If you're going to do something, darling, then do it all the way."
"Wassailing, darling. When you wassail, you make Christmas!"
"All you do is knock on someone's door, someone you want to share the joy of Christmas with, and when they open it you sing your heart out."
"I can't get a read on him. I want him to be different from those boys, but there's really no good reason why he would be."
"Keep riding the elevator, dear. He'll show up."
"Nanny, Al wants to know why Daddy isn't doing the high-ups."
"It's the least I can do after such a powerful performance."
"The only places with open kitchens right now are coffee shops and pizza. Take your pick."
"Oh, man, oh, man, there is NO dancing when I wassail!"
"It's more important to show yourself a little love than to have a man who gives you something in the wrong size and color."
"Despite the fact that it's one of the coldest days of the year, I'm under strict instruction not to bring him home until after French class."
"I'm going to put it safely in the stroller pocket so it doesn't get hurt. We've got a special afternoon ahead of us."
"You know what? I'm going to put some Vaseline on your cheeks, okay? You're getting a little chapped."
"Well, turns out Jean Georges lost the Xes' reservations for Valentine's Day so she immediately sent me home with a typed-up list of four-star restaurants to harass."
"Oh, come on. How was I supposed to know I was going to meet you?"
"Grandma? I need to get a table for two for Valentine's dinner anywhere that they don't have paper place mats. What can you do for me?"
"He can't seem to breathe and I don't know if I should take him to the hospital because his fever won't go down and I haven't slept in two nights and..."
"I kneel and press my hand over the sparkles, quickly lifting them up and brushing them into my backpack."
"Her low sobs give way to a deep, animal-like keening as I gently close the door behind me."
"They all felt that there was no sense in their living together, and that any group of people, who had met together by chance at an inn would have had more in common than they, the members of the Oblonsky family and their servants."
"I take an instant dislike to Darwin, as I have spent all of three minutes with him and am already in a perpetual state of flinching."
"Wouldn't even pay for a taxi. She didn't say boo to that boy all weekend."
"What? And let the likes of you know she can't get her own husband home?"
"We had a great weekend. It was ... fun. Connecticut was beautiful. We went sledding. You should've seen Grayer and his father. It was adorable. Really, a great weekend."
"All right, tough guy, let's get you dressed."
"See? See? Grayer says victoriously. 'You said it. It's mine. My tie. Mom said. She gave it to me.'"
"My mom says not to talk about him, so don't. Don't talk about him."
"Hello and welcome to Play Space! Who's checking in?"
"I want to add value to Grayer, but he's really stressed out right now."
"We're a family here. There are no boundaries in the Feelings Room."
"So, sweetie. You can't wear the blue sweatshirt anymore, okay?"
"Maybe if you'd spend an hour of your precious time with us he might have done better in his interviews."
"It's okay to be sad. We'll just sit here and be sad for a little while."
"You can keep it in your pocket like a secret agent."
"I have a line. It's drawn right across Eighty-sixth Street."
"I'm so tired I feel like my eyes are filled with playground sand."
"As long as you're comfortable! As long as you're happy."
"The alarm wakes me at six-thirty, but it requires quite a few bleeps and one very disgruntled 'WHAT THE HELL?' to raise my weary head off the pillow."
"Pink light spills in through the open window, illuminating the disarray, which looks as if librarians came over and partied very hard."
"I'm extremely busy and right now is the only convenient time for me to do this."
"This is war, Ronald. And in war you get the supplies your commanding officer sends you."
"I suppose that'll be okay. Why don't we leave it in the car when we get there and then I'll let you know if it's okay to bring it out?"
"Besides, I will have been here a whole week."
"I just can't believe they wouldn't have an oceanview."
"Let's be crazy and just follow the fucking directions and see where we end up."
"Let's get going. I want to make the noon flight."
"Honey, what time do you want me to drive you to the airport tomorrow?"
"Don't bother. I'm taking the six A.M. flight. I'll just call a cab."
"I'm not sure if it's appropriate for you to monopolize the dinner conversation."
"This town must have some rule against businesses selling anything but scented candles, boats in a bottle, or flavored fudge."
"I wish I could call up and order a fill-in friend."
"He was determined to show who was master in that house."
"The monster is really scary. It's going to eat you up, Nanny."
"Think real hard, what color was the monster?"
"Raising your child is hard work! Which you would know if you ever did it for more than five minutes at a time!"
"There's been a lot of 'confusion,' so let me make this perfectly clear for you: this job... what I've been doing is hard work."
"All you have to do is show up and like them. It's called 're-la-ting.' So get over whatever totally-absent-buying-your-affection parenting that you received and get here, man. Because this is your LIFE and you're just pissing it away!"
"I am your own personal sweatshop! You've got a handbag, a mink, and a sweatshop!"
"Grayer loves you... He just wants you there. Wanting him. And time is running out. He won't love you unconditionally that much longer. And soon he won't love you at all."
"Just know that you are wonderful. Fabulously wonderful. And I hope somehow you'll know that I'll always be out here rooting for you, okay?"