A Witch's Guide To Fake Dating A Demon Quotes
"Literally the only thing they have in common."
"It’s a basic summoning spell, not a Jackson Pollock painting."
"You probably rescued it from the cruel world of cage farming."
"Magic incantations weren’t spoken in Latin, much to her chagrin, since at least Latin had a logical structure."
"Maybe the issue is that you’re summoning boring things."
"Getting laid won’t make me better at summoning."
"But you’ll master the skills on your timeline, not your mother’s."
"You’ll live up to the family reputation soon, I’m sure of it."
"Your daughter has the brightest magical aura I’ve ever encountered."
"You are the rudest human I’ve ever encountered."
"I’m a joke of a witch. Can’t even draw a straight line."
"Mom says the stars told her I have the potential to be a ruler."
"I am more than two hundred years old. Hardly a toddler."
"I really, really wanted that thing out of here."
"Because there’s no record of one in all of demon history?"
"Your mind... You hop from topic to topic so fast it’s hard to keep up."
"The majority of human entertainment is puerile and vapid, serving no purpose but to distract humans from their brief lives."
"Nine-one-one, I’d like to report a theft. Debbie Downer wants her shtick back."
"Then stop being so smug and condescending and help me."
"If you give me your soul, I’ll make sure she never talks about her vagina ever again."
"You spend centuries as a hero to your people, only to have your head lopped off by mortals because you chose the wrong tourist destination?"
"It’s rare for a witch to be able to use magic without speaking the words."
"It’s the whole natural world you’re attuned to."
"You may be here to steal my soul, but you’ve been kinder about my magic in the last day than anyone aside from my friends has been in years."
"You shouldn’t have to thank people for telling the truth."
"I want to get my doctorate in Magical Herbology. I’d love to be a teacher."
"We live forever. Demons are free to follow one interest, then another. If they find value in educating the youth, why shouldn’t they spend their time like that?"
"It hardly seems fair to make young people pay for the education they need."
"You’re the most alive thing of all. You see so much joy in the world."
"It’s amazing how motivating good dick can be."
"It was a delight to see him growing into an artistic, thoughtful young man."
"Oh, nonsense. We have so few luxuries in Glimmer Falls."
"You know, if you spent half the time you spend in those woods studying spellcraft, you’d be a proper witch."
"Magic isn’t a party trick to be performed on command. It’s a complex web of intention and ritual that requires focus and commitment."
"Magic is powerful, but your approach clearly isn’t working. You need to consider who she is, not who you wish she was."
"You’re one step away from self-flagellation, and that’s way too medieval for a classy demon like you."
"There's no such thing as normal behavior in Glimmer Falls."
"You’re vibrant and interesting and so fucking pretty it kills me."
"The web of magic is already unraveling—I can feel it!"
"There’s always life in the soil, waiting to burst out."
"Witches and warlocks often have magical outbursts when they’re learning where their skill set lies."
"If it isn’t related to a bargain, always lie to the mortals, and if you can’t lie, make the truth seem like a joke."
"Demons as a species lie frequently to humans."
"You have plenty of reasons to be alive, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of crying."
"I’ve made countless vengeance bargains over the years and never lost sleep. But when I returned to the demon plane after that one... I cried."
"Their lives were short, but they shone so brightly."
"I want you to stay. I want to date you—to court you."
"I love being near you. But you deserve more from life than to be saddled with a grumpy demon."
"You can either wait twenty minutes or make a bargain for an instant erection."
"All I’ve done my entire life is take people’s souls away. I have no real friends, no family, few hobbies."
"Maybe we’ll find a way to get out of the bargain, but whatever happens... I want to give this a shot."
"The forest is like my family. Until we figure out what’s causing this, I need to do everything I can to help."
"It’s not that I want you to leave. It’s that I want you here of your own free will. I want it to be a true choice."
"It’s optional if you make it optional. You just need to say no."
"Being a Spark means drawing a lot of attention, both good and bad."
"If I don’t have this, I don’t have anything."
"You aren’t your mother or anyone else you’re comparing yourself to."
"You are beautiful, intelligent, and funny. You bring so much joy to the world."
"You just needed to be shouted at," Diantha was saying, and Mariel instantly snapped back to the conversation. "I can be rougher on you, if it yields results like this."
"No," Mariel slapped a hand on the table. The griffin head roared. "That spell had nothing to do with you."
"If I succeeded, it wasn't thanks to you," Mariel snapped. "That magic came from me."
"No, I discovered the key to my magic. Do you know why my spellcraft fails around you? Because you're ordering me to do it. The impulse doesn't come from me."
"Love is supporting someone," she said. "Lifting them up, not tearing them down. Loving them as they are, not how you want them to be."
"I am an adult and your daughter, and I deserve respect."
"You can't blame me because you're a slow learner."
"I don't have to do anything," she said. "Not for my parents, not for you."
"I don't want to be like you. I want to be me."
"And sometimes my magic has worked around Oz because it was my desire shaping the spell—not yours."
"I banished the cockatrice because I was tired of being told to shut up," she said. "I banished the mojito because it was my idea."
"I’ve only ever tried to push you to be the best witch you can be."
"I did it," she said wonderingly. "I banished it."
"The demon who destroyed my best friend’s greenhouse."
"We need to talk about your method of dropping people off."
"It’s less the carrying that’s the issue. More the dropping."
"Never underestimate a witch with a mean right hook and anger-management issues."
"Reality was crafted from lies on top of lies, and Astaroth had long been the best liar of all."
"We are here to resolve the wager proposed by Moloch."
"It's called deliberately distressed clothing."