Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things Quotes
"You're not crazy. STOP CALLING YOURSELF CRAZY."
"I’m not technically crazy, but 'crazy' is a much simpler way of labeling what I really am."
You're not a maniac," my mom says in an aggravated voice. "You just like to pull your hair.
"You are perfectly normal," my mom says, shaking her head.
"You’re not crazy and you need to stop saying you are. It makes you sound like a lunatic."
"This is why I sneak into other people’s bathrooms in haunted hotels."
"Everyone has to die of something but you’re probably not going to die of sleep."
"I’m so hardworking that I’m awake even when my body is still partially unconscious."
"Depression is like… when you meticulously scroll up through hundreds of pages in a Word document to find a specific paragraph you need to fix, and then you try to type but it automatically takes you right back down to the bottom because you forgot to place your cursor where you wanted to type."
"Depression is like… when you don’t want cheese anymore. Even though it’s cheese."
"Sometimes being crazy is a demon. And sometimes the demon is me."
"Depression is like… when you don’t have any scissors to cut that thick plastic safety tie off the new scissors that you just bought because you couldn’t find your scissors."
"Every mental illness is different because every person is different."
"My rule is 'Enjoy the non-shitty things now because shitty things are coming.'"
"Sometimes I end up standing in the kitchen holding scissors that I can’t use because I can’t find scissors."
"You aren’t a math problem. You’re a person."
"Just cheer up' is almost universally looked at as the most unhelpful depression cure ever."
"No one can win because you’re given the same guilt when you feel good."
"My psychiatrist always says, 'But if you believe there are demons, then it follows that there could be a God.'"
"You have to figure out how to survive depression, which is really not easy."
"I suppose we’re all possessed in some way."
"If you make something no one hates, no one will ever love it either."
"The same goes for art, writing, and people. Especially people."
"There's a certain pride and freedom that comes from wearing your unique bizarreness like a badge of honor."
"None of us are immune to feelings of failure."
"There’s a lot of that going around. What’s wrong with us?"
"Feeling fucked up is just the first step to her next bestseller."
"You're not overweight. You're just overgravitated."
"Everything is a boomerang if you throw it straight up in the air."
"I'm crazy like a fox that really has gone insane."
"I'm doing this to help the homeless. Not for my own personal kitten-mitten collection."
"If you aren't going to take care of your shit then I'm sure as hell not going to take responsibility for it."
"Technically, if I were farther away from the center of the Earth then I'd be subjected to less gravity and then I would weigh less."
"I'd only use kittens that were already dead from noncommunicable diseases, Kregg. I wouldn't just go around haphazardly turning live kittens inside out. I'm not a monster, for God's sake."
"I'm so, so sorry about my vagina. It's weird how often I have to say that."
"You’ve got to think like a serial killer to catch a serial killer."
"I’m not sure if this technique has a name but I called it 'Making-out-with-Alan-Rickman-in-my-mind' because that’s what I usually did during the awkward silences."
"Yesterday I found out that Barack Obama isn’t actually on Twitter. Honestly, I feel betrayed."
"I hate it when it’s too hot for a blanket because I have this phobia that I’ll float up onto the ceiling without it and then I’ll get chopped up by the ceiling fan."
"My primary thoughts during the holidays are ‘Stab. Stab. Stab. Run away.’"
"Victor hates Christmas. He says that the problem with nativity scenes is that there aren’t enough samurais in them."
"I finished the Bible last night. Spoiler alert: Jesus doesn’t make it."
"I mispronounced my own middle name until I was twenty-two. It’s Leigh. I pronounced it ‘Leia.’ Like the princess."
"I saw Anne Frank trending on Twitter and I thought she’d died. Again."
"On the way in here I saw a cloud that looked like a skull. My first thought? Death Eaters."
"I feel successful 3–4 days a month. The other days I feel like I’m barely accomplishing the minimum or that I’m a loser."
"To make myself feel more successful I spend real time with my daughter every day, even if it’s just huddling under a blanket and watching Doctor Who reruns on TV."
"Comparison is the death of joy." - Mark Twain
"Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides."
"The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday."
"I started to think about the way that I viewed success and realized that I didn’t really want to lower the bar but that I wanted to take the bar and throw it like an Olympic spear."
"Are you reading this or listening to this on tape? That means that you care about being a better person."
"I’m not judging those people though, because it’s not like I haven’t tried that route myself."
"BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE A GROWN-UP," I screamed from a vaguely fetal position in the corner of the office.
"It might be easier. But it wouldn’t be better."
"I try to be honest about the shame I feel because with honesty comes empowerment."
"And so they’ve saved me too. That’s why I continue to talk about mental illness, even at the cost of scaring people off or having people judge me."