Assassination Vacation Quotes
"One night last summer, all the killers in my head assembled on a stage in Massachusetts to sing show tunes."
"I find it difficult to say or type his name, George W. Bush. I like to call him 'the current president' because it's a hopeful phrase."
"Once I erupt, they'll be wiping my verbal ashes off their windshields as far away as North Dakota."
"It's the Stephen Sondheim musical in which a bunch of presidential assassins and would-be assassins sing songs about how much better their lives would be if they could gun down a president."
"Presidents and presidential assassins are like Las Vegas and Salt Lake City that way."
"There is a name for travel embarked upon with the agenda of venerating relics: pilgrimage."
"I find it hard to stop myself from being unfair to Robert. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, Robert Lincoln bought a nice ski lodge."
"The vegetable of the day is succotash to give you an idea."
"The fact that Lincoln got to serve his whole first term is a kind of miracle."
"The grandfather paradox treats time travel not as some lofty exercise in cultural tourism but as a petty excuse to bicker with and gun down one's own relatives."
"We forgot all delay, and forgot all tardiness."
"This government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free."
"My friends, no one, not in my situation, can appreciate my feeling of sadness at this parting."
"Garfield, Arthur, Harrison, and Hayes, time of my father's time, blood of his blood, life of his life."
"The only word I can think of to describe it is 'snazzy'."
"Hard to believe that the candidate who lost the popular vote could actually become the president of the United States."
"The only thing stopping this address from turning into a slacker parable is the absence of the word 'dude'."
"The leisure you have to think; the leisure you have to be let alone; the leisure you have to throw the plummet into your mind, and sound the depth and dive for things below."
"Perhaps that study of literature is fullest which we steal from daily duties."
"I am going to the Lordy, I am so glad, I am going to the Lordy."
"I saved my party and my land, Glory hallelujah! But they have murdered me for it."
"I love the Lordy with all my soul, Glory hallelujah! And that is the reason I am going to the Lord."
"I wonder what I will do when I get to the Lordy, I guess that I will weep no more."
"Every scar, every arm that is lacking, every limb that is gone, is a souvenir of a Democrat."
"The absence of Senator Conkling gave rise to unpleasant surmises as to his attitude."
"He’s truly morbid. When he broke his collarbone... He handed back the lamb, informing the nurse, 'I like spooky stuff.'"
"Amy sighs theatrically, which, in twin language, I understand as a hint that sleazy innovations in election finance and quips about TR are shaky reasons to drag out this car-sickening visit."
"My guess is that the statue is inspirational for the visitors, but since all of them are joggers... I bet it’s McKinley’s portly girth more than his good citizenship that inspires them."
"That is how she passed her widowhood. She sewed a picture of her murdered spouse into her knitting bag and then spent the rest of her life in a rocking chair, crocheting four thousand pairs of bedroom slippers."
"It is the only yo-yo I’ve ever seen decorated with the picture of a mausoleum."
"The architecture of the Pan-American Exposition was built to be torn down... The New York Building was the only one they put up for keeps."
"And one night late it came to me this way... that there was nothing left for us to do but to take them all, and to educate the Filipinos, and uplift and Christianize them."
"History is one war after another with a bunch of murders and natural disasters in between."
"She set me on fire... 'We merely desire complete individual liberty and this can never be obtained as long as there is an existing government.'"
"The Lincoln Memorial is still my favorite place in the world and not just in spite of its many stupid flaws. It’s my favorite place partly because of its blankness..."