Healing The Shame That Binds You Quotes
"Everyone needs a sense of shame, but no one needs to feel ashamed." - Frederick Nietzsche
"The sense of ego identity is the accrued confidence that the inner sameness and continuity... are matched by the sameness and continuity of one’s meaning for others." - Erik Erikson
"The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the person with a character disorder not enough." - Scott Peck
"Toxic shame—the shame that binds us—is a core part of neurotic and character disordered syndromes of behavior."
"The drivenness in any addiction is about the ruptured self, the belief that one is flawed as a person."
"Children will invest as much energy as is needed to ensure the preservation of family harmony, even if it means sacrificing themselves to do so by developing psychological disorders." - Joel Covitz
"To be shame-bound means that whenever you feel any feeling, need or drive, you immediately feel ashamed."
"No one has ever explained the existence of evil in the world... Centuries ago in the Judeo-Christian West, evil was considered the domain of the Devil, or Satan, the fallen angel."
"The spiritual life is... part of the human essence. It is a defining characteristic of human nature... without which human nature is not full human nature." - Abraham Maslow
"The most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star and the scapegoat, the righteous and the wretched, the powerful and the pathetic."
"Max represented all of us shame-based people."
"The stuff that family is made of is bloodier and more passionate than the stuff of friendship."
"The human body as an organism is not the sum of its parts, but rather the interrelationship of the parts."
"The chief component in the family system is the marriage."
"The whole family as an organism is greater than any individual in the family."
"Families are social systems that follow organismic laws."
"The levels refer to the level of victimization and legal punishment accompanying the sexual act."
"The true test of intelligence is not what you know or can regurgitate from memory on an exam. It’s what you do when you don’t know what to do."
"Child’s play is the precursor of the adult world of work."
"Each of us has both male and female hormones."
"Comparing ourselves to the perfect 10 mythical standard is a major source of sexual shame in our society."
"Toxic shame results from the unexpected exposure of vulnerable aspects of a child’s self."
"The distrust of our basic faculties results in the feeling of powerlessness."
"Once these defenses are in place they function automatically and unconsciously, sending our true and authentic selves into hiding."
"The fantasy bond is an illusion of connectedness."
"Each ego defense allows the child to survive situations that are actually intolerable."
"Envy is the pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors."
"Addiction is the central organizing principle of the family system—maintaining the system as well as the shame."
"Someone who was not allowed to be aware of what was being done has no way of telling about it except to repeat it."
"As children in shame-based families we could not help but believe that we were bad and unlovable."
"The voice is not a positive system of values... it interprets and states an external system of values in a vicious manner of self-attack and castigation."
"The voice makes the categorical judgment that one is defective and flawed and is never going to change."
"We must remember that the shame-based caregivers were once hurting children themselves."
"The most destructive aspect of your inner voice has been referred to as your automatic thoughts."
"Internalized shame causes you to focus on a particular group of automatic thoughts to the exclusion of all contrary thoughts."
"Selective abstraction means that we look at one set of cues in our environment to the exclusion of all others."
"The negative voice fosters and intensifies toxic shame."
"As the voice is externalized through verbalization, intense feelings are released that result in powerful emotional catharsis with accompanying insight."
"Healthy conflict, learning to negotiate and fight fair, patience, hard work, and the courage to risk being an individual are marks of a journey toward intimacy."
"Every addict worships a false god (alcohol, cocaine, sex, etc.)."
"The addictive system that Carnes presents can be used to understand any addiction."
"Healthy, soulful sexuality is a manifestation of spirituality."
"The human sex drive is designed to be the most exciting and pleasurable of all the human drives."
"Shame serves as a first boundary or inhibition of autoerotic excitement."
"Authentic presence prepares us for what has been referred to as 'ordinary miracles.'"
"If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a track that has been there all the while, waiting for you."
"The mind can create events outside itself through the use of imagination."
"You must know the highest before you can truly understand the lowest."