Carl's Doomsday Scenario Quotes
"It’s like that mall in Las Vegas. They make it look like you’re outside, but you’re really not."
"Guildmaster of this guildhall. Also known as the Gigachad of the Over City."
"Princess Donut, Carl, little Mongo, welcome to the third floor. The training levels have concluded. Now the games may truly begin."
"Mordecai dear, that’s Carl’s line. You should pick something else."
"Instant access to the Level-3 Turn Undead Spell."
"I will abandon you right here and right now if you choose to take up the kazoo."
"She can basically pick a new class each floor."
"It gives a chance to survive a fatal attack."
"If she chooses it, and then she chooses a fire mage, the system AI basically rolls the dice."
"Every season, a few crawlers choose this race."
"A level 15 Fireball is a powerful spell that can ruin the day of most mobs."
"This Monk/Rogue hybrid class is a trapmaking, bomb-making, social-media dynamo."
"Don't try to rob the stores. There is no jail here. Only the death penalty."
"The resulting behemoth is a monstrous melee fighter and tank."
"People hate hobgoblins. Interviewers don’t like them on their shows."
"It’s usually a gold box and a couple stat points."
"YOU WERE DRUNK AND YOU MOLESTED SOMEONE’S GRANDMA."
"Run," I said. We turned and bolted down the street.
"She’s completely naked except for this quite lovely thong that Miss Beatrice would just adore."
"Miss Beatrice’s tattoo is a masterpiece and an exception to the rule."
"They will stop at nothing until your innards wet the floorboards of the Over City."
"It’s been a while since I’ve seen that trick in action."
"This music hurts my heads," the knife-riddled monster groused.
"You can’t save them all. The people running this, they know who you are. They will always be baiting you. Worry about yourself first."
"We associate smells with memories, and when that memory is triggered, we are momentarily pulled away, no matter the current circumstances."
"But it’s more than that. My four-year-old mind couldn’t possibly register it at the time, but it was the scent of happiness, of joy, of being a kid, of not being afraid."
"All it takes is a little seed. Just little seeds here and there, and soon enough you have a forest."
"Somewhere in there Grimaldi may be aware that this may not be the most moral of choices. But that’s what we do when it comes to family. We protect them at all costs."
"I am Ringmaster Grimaldi! Welcome to my Circus! Within this tent, all your worries and fears are left behind."
"Like the sign said, no chewing was necessary."
"One of us, Carl. One of us. Gooble Gobble, Gooble Gobble."
"Prostitutes. Escorts. Street Walkers. Ladies of the Night. It doesn’t matter how you describe them because these chicks are dead. Very dead."
"I couldn’t help it. I just started laughing."
"I thought of us zapping into a production trailer looking like we did now, and I suddenly felt myself grin."
"She looked as if she was ready for judging at an international cat show."
"Your pet will be required to be stored during the interview."
"The back of your cloak looks as if it was used as a sanitary napkin."
"And then Mongo," Donut said. "He smells really bad."
"Don’t compare your circumstances with how they were yesterday. Look at how they were years ago."
"If you’re unhappy with your government, then kick them out and set up your own."
"What are they gonna do? Throw me in the dungeon?"