A Wizard’s Guide To Defensive Baking Quotes
"I haven’t seen a lot of dead bodies in my life—I’m only fourteen, and baking’s not exactly a high-mortality profession—but the red stuff oozing out from under her head definitely wasn’t raspberry filling."
"If a herd of ravenous centaurs descended on the city and went galloping through the streets, devouring small children and cats, Aunt Tabitha would calmly go about setting up barricades and manning crossbows as if she did it twice a week."
"I imagined her throwing the socks on, never thinking that a few hours later, an apprentice baker and half-baked wizard of dough would be tiptoeing past her and thinking about the condition of her footwear."
"We’re a bakery, girl! Besides, never knew a copper who didn’t love a sweet bun, and we’ll be swarming with ’em before long."
"Sometimes I forget that other people can’t do it."
"The steps down to the basement are slippery, because everybody’s basements leak. It’s amazing we still have basements."
"I’ll bet you a tray of cinnamon buns that I can out-arm wrestle any girl my age."
"I wanted to promise him that the guards would find the killer. I wanted to be strong and hopeful and determined."
"Tibbie, I mean. She couldn’t sneak if there was too much light."
"She said she’d be careful, but it didn’t matter."
"You're fluffy. You're very fluffy and soft. You're like little fluffy lambs, only without the poop stuck to your tail because that's gross."
"What I don't know about kneading bread isn't worth knowing."
"If I was going to get thrown in the dungeon, at least I was going to leave a trail of quality pastries behind me."
"The notion of appealing to a higher power seemed promising."
"Being out on the street again felt like my birthday."
"We didn’t see any that had my face on it. Maybe those were only near the bakery, or maybe they’d forgotten about me."
"Sleep was at least time passing that I didn’t have to be around for."
"It's not bragging to say that most bakeries would probably want me."
"I could only hope it was the second possibility."
"You wouldn’t think you could get tired cooped up in a bell tower all day, but you can."
"The notion of telling people to hand in their own kids for being magickers turned my stomach."
"It's boring up here. And the gingerbread man gets very grumpy if I try to cheat at solitaire."
"If grown-ups were trying to kill you, did that make you an honorary grown-up?"
"If there’s a killer coming after you with a knife, embarrassment doesn’t even register."
"It’s never fun to wash dishes, but it’s sort of satisfying to get a really bad one clean."
"That’s ’cos most assassins ain’t gonna waste time doin’ dishes," said Spindle. "They’re lookin’ for scary people, not girls in aprons."
"You’re just like a brother to me. In the most annoying possible sense."
"I’ve come to warn you of a plot against you!"
"You been eating too many of your own pastries!" Spindle grumbled.
"We wait much longer, it’ll be morning again."
"Oh, my dears…" The Duchess’s face crumpled. "I know. I know. And I don’t know what to do!"
"It is easier to be imposing when you are tall."
"I shudder to think what you might accomplish with the use of magic!"
"Let us pretend that we have done all that and skip to the point where you say, 'I don’t know what I can do, but I’ll try.'"
"Well, I’d wanted to make an elephant out of dough, hadn’t I?"
"In magic, creativity is as important as knowledge."
"You’re making their lives better, just a little tiny bit."
"You play nice and be a patch on this golem RIGHT NOW!"
"Right away, I realized that I was in trouble. The weight of magic was still with me, even if I was running for my life."
"The Spring Green Man grabbed my shoulder, wrenched me around, and slammed me into the wall of the nearby alley."
"You’re not getting away from me again," Elgar said. "I wasn’t leaving this city until I saw you dead."
"Really bad people all think they’re using each other and being really clever about it. And they all want to be in charge."
"It happens," said Knackering Molly firmly. "Takes everybody differently, so don’t you go making fun, Spindle."
"We’re all alive! Except Nag! We’re all—urrgh—"
"They weren’t combining. I jumped onto the pile and began stomping around, kneading with my boots. You are one. You are the same. Get up!"
"I don’t intend to do this again!" I whispered. "No?" He arched an eyebrow at me. "I expect this won’t be your last set of medals, my dear. Heroism is an unfortunate habit."
"You never know when somebody’s going to need you to defend the city."
"And if I’m in a good mood, and you ask nicely, I might even make the gingerbread men get up and dance."