Aloha From Hell Quotes
"A halo and five bucks will get you a cup of coffee in L.A."
"Call me either of those things to my face and you’ll get to see what your lungs look like as throw pillows."
"He needs a compass so he can find his own ass."
"I suppose. And you killed it, not me, so my not-slaughtering-things record is still intact."
"We might as well say we were attacked by Bigfoot."
"The smell didn’t bother him because he doesn’t have lungs, so he doesn’t breathe."
"Karma is just loaded dice on a crooked table."
"Wishful thinking. We’re too far away for him to hit anything but the air."
"You never know what’s going to come out of his mouth and he always pays on time."
"It’s easier to fall off the edge of the world than you might think."
"I'm not a priest anymore, so there's no need to call me 'Father.'"
"I'm a sin eater, from a long line of sin eaters."
"It's a simple ritual. The body of the deceased is laid out naked on a table in the evening, usually around vespers."
"You're telling me? I'm the one who got a knife in the back."
"You’re Sandman Slim, goddammit. You’re that or you’re nothing."
"Dream about that girl you’re lying next to for a change."
"Every bit of information I get makes this whole thing more confusing."
"If you’re going to shoot me, I want to finish my movie."
"Ever since Lucifer left, the place has been falling apart, and I don’t mean the trash isn’t getting picked up. I mean Old Testament falling apart. Earthquakes. Wild fires. Hellion food riots."
"You know what’s weird? This whole thing between me and Mason—I can’t even remember what started it."
"I don’t get this Heaven and Hell thing of his at all. It’s stupid enough wanting to grab Hell, but why would Mason want Heaven, too?"
"I don’t think Mason wants to be God. I think he just wants to be in control."
"How can you not know any of this? Mason was famous when he was a kid."
"We’re very sorry to have to ask you all these questions."
"They’re the types who put on a pot on Monday and are still drinking it on Friday."
"It would have been so easy to sit down and have a cigarette and let them eat the city. But when it came right down to it, I didn’t want to."
"When you’re born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it’s not."
"I understand how a mortal man might come up with a mad plan to rule the universe, but how does an angel fall so far from grace?"
"When your final judgment arrives, I won’t come for you. You’ll be the one who comes to me, and of your own free will."
"You lounge upstairs on your golden throne like you’re the greatest thing since ‘Johnny Be Good,’ but to me you’re just another deadbeat dad."
"You’d think that with all my connections to the celestial sphere, I’d have a better handle on death. But I don’t know anything."
"It’s a county-fair midway, full of ugly Hellspawn and starving pagans desperate or brave or stupid enough to pick through the gutters and garbage for leftovers."
"I’m ridiculous. Crippled. Locked up by idiots and robbed by a dead psychopath."
"We’re tired of waiting. We’re coming in now."
"Aren’t you going to try and talk me out of it?"
"No one lets anyone out of Tartarus. The general led the escape himself."
"If you put it that way, maybe I’ll just go ahead and jump."
"We’re the souls judged so worthless or relentlessly vile that the universe has no more use for us. All we’re good for is fuel for the fire."
"It’s easier for them to believe that I’ve been cowering in a hole somewhere."
"Did you get the battle plans to the right people?"
"I’m not here for your piano recital. I’m here because the enemy of my enemy isn’t exactly my friend. But he isn’t my enemy until this shit is over."
"Just because you’re the wolf at the top of the food chain doesn’t mean you’re bulletproof."
"Coming from someone who blissfully hacked another sentient creature to death not an hour ago, that’s quite something."
"Heaven might not have been where you were headed, but now even Hell is a long-gone distant memory."
"I’m a nephilim and a killer. Do you think I’m evil?"
"The nephilim are dead," says the female general. "Before we fell, I commanded one of the companies dispatched to hunt them down."
"I should never have switched from scotch to martinis."
"I have to laugh. There isn’t much else left to do. Go down into the deepest darkest parts of Hell, and you’ll see what I mean."
"I don’t know. It’s easier for them to believe that I’ve been cowering in a hole somewhere."
"I always wondered if I’d run into him sometime. I’m not sure what I was expecting."
"Our fall from Heaven took nine days, but our rise will take mere hours."
"If not, we'll both be dead. Even if we win, we could be killed, so what does it matter?"
"You didn’t get the pep-talk badge in Hellion Boy Scouts, did you?"
"We didn’t get many measured against eternity, but it’s better than nothing."
"If God won’t save us, maybe tall tales and lies will."
"It’s not long before we see a glow ahead, like the sun has set the other side of the world on fire."
"When I’m about to go under the stomping foot, I spin the wheel right, slamming into the other leg."
"Being alive is learning how to live with the intolerable."
"They might call me Lucifer these days, but I’m just a part-time devil, so don’t count me out."