No More Mr. Nice Guy Quotes
"Five decades of dramatic social change and monumental shifts in the traditional family have created a breed of men who have been conditioned to seek the approval of others."
"Nice Guys believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will in return be happy, loved, and fulfilled."
"This frustration is due to the fact that Nice Guys have believed a myth."
"The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are 'good,' they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life."
"Nice Guys are happiest when they are making others happy."
"This book shows Nice Guys how to stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in love and life."
"Nice Guys avoid conflict like the plague and will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting anyone."
"Over the last several years, I have encountered countless frustrated and resentful Nice Guys in my practice as a psychotherapist."
"The concept of the Nice Guy Syndrome grew out of my own frustration of trying to do it 'right,' yet never getting back what I believed I deserved."
"No one has taken the problem of the Nice Guy Syndrome seriously or offered an effective solution."
"Women who read the book regularly tell me that it not only helps them better understand their Nice Guy partner, it also helps them gain new insights about themselves."
"I'm a Nice Guy. I'm one of the nicest guys you're ever going to meet."
"I can never do it right. No matter how hard I try, Heather always finds something wrong."
"The hard-driving woman has to switch personae when she gets home."
"I have watched countless men 'do something different' by applying the principles contained in this book."
"If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always had."
"The Nice Guy's need to hide is often the most pronounced in areas that are just part of being human and alive."
"People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual's life energy."
"Trying to be 'good' — trying to become what he believes others want him to be — is just one of many possible scripts that a little boy might form as the result of childhood abandonment experiences and the internalization of toxic shame."
"Toxic shame is the belief that one is inherently bad, defective, different, or unlovable."
"Children develop survival mechanisms to try to cope with their abandonment experiences, try to prevent the experiences from happening again, and try to hide their 'badness' from themselves and others."
"All Nice Guys believe they are not OK just as they are, and therefore must hide their flaws and become what they believe other people want them to be."
"The opposite of crazy is still crazy, so becoming a 'jerk' isn't the answer."
"Changing this core belief requires that they bring their humanity out into the open, release their toxic shame, and receive more accurate messages than the ones internalized in childhood."
"The recovering Nice Guy cannot do this part alone. Safe people are essential for reversing the distorted beliefs all Nice Guys have about their worth."
"This process begins by just talking about himself. This in itself makes many Nice Guys uncomfortable."
"Once trust has been established, he can begin to reveal things about himself that create fear and shame."
"The recovering Nice Guy can begin revealing the things about himself that he is the least comfortable letting others see."
"I'm back to all my old ways of lying and manipulating. I'm totally out of control."
"They told him that they had great respect that he came into group and revealed what was going on, especially since he had so much shame about it."
"They don't have to do anything to win other people's approval."
"They don't have to hide their perceived flaws or mistakes."
"Imperfect humans can only connect with other imperfect humans."
"Trying to appear needless and wantless prevents Nice Guys from getting their needs met."
"No one was put on this planet to meet your needs."
"Most Nice Guys are astonished when I tell them that it is healthy to have needs."
"Caretaking has nothing to do with being loving or good. Caretaking is an immature and indirect attempt to try to get one's needs met."
"Life isn't a merry-go-round, it's a roller coaster."
"Nice Guys tend to seek the approval of women."
"Contrary to the prevailing sentiments of the last few decades, it is OK to be a guy."
"Personal power isn't the absence of fear. Even the most powerful people have fear."
"In these cultures, the men and women work together to facilitate this process of transition and initiation."
"This helps them break the symbiotic bonds with their moms."
"There are certain things that boys can only learn from men."
"When I'm around my boys, I get to see unbridled maleness in action."
"This reciprocal process requires time and interaction."
"Trey came away with a feeling that he had done something positive to help change the direction of a struggling young boy."
"Recovering Nice Guys can show their daughters what a real man looks like."
"As Nice Guys reclaim their masculine energy, everyone wins."
"No one really wants to believe that they have to be false or hide who they really are to get someone to love them."
"Internalized toxic shame makes this kind of exposure feel life-threatening for Nice Guys."
"Very first before anything else could happen I had to stop being a victim."
"Began by setting boundaries. At first they were small ones and they grew with time."
"From the boundaries being set and respected I started believing in myself."
"Believing that I am an adult, I have an education, and I am qualified to take on the role of an Industrial Engineer."
"When I finally realized and accepted that I did not need that system to survive, I could finally move on."