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Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim Quotes

Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim by David Sedaris

Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim Quotes
"There wasn’t much point in getting too close to people we would have to say good-bye to."
"I hoped that in walking around after dark I might witness a murder."
"Belief implied that television had a master plan and that you were against it."
"The only place that seemed truly different was owned by a man who did not believe in television."
"What must it be like to be so ignorant and alone? Could a normal person even imagine it?"
"What do you say to a new car? Who’s up for a cruise to the Greek Isles?"
"You look pretty cool, can I ask you a question?"
"It was almost elegant, the way he picked himself up off the ground and crossed the parking lot."
"He’s a human being, but also he’s a pig, surrounded by trash and gorging himself so that others may be denied."
"He was a grown-up’s worst nightmare, and, minus the hat, I wanted to be just like him."
"Their personal lives are the so-called pieces of scrap I so casually pick up, and they’re sick of it."
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings."
"The theme is universal and encourages the viewer to make a number of unhealthy comparisons, ultimately raising the question 'Why can’t our lives be like that?'"
"You can’t profess love without talking through hand puppets, and we’d never consciously sit down to discuss our relationship."
"More and more often their stories begin with the line 'You have to swear you will never repeat this.'"
"I’m like a friendly junkman, building things from the little pieces of scrap I find here and there."
"Every so often, the circles beneath her eyes would shade to purple. She might show up with a fat lip or a scratch on her neck but her features betrayed nothing."
"The thought of him throwing a punch was bad enough, but the thought of him losing — my father pressed to the ground, my father calling out in pain or surprise — was unbearable."
"A neglected girl comes to your door and what are you supposed to do, turn her away?"
"In the eyes of the law you’re just some nut with a knife who sits in the pancake house staring at a goddam stopwatch."
"I’m sorry, but I don’t know how a responsible pet owner could go that long without noticing a thing like that. It’s just not right."
"If anything like that happened to Chessie, I honestly don’t know how I could live with myself."
"Human suffering doesn’t faze her much, but she’ll cry for days over a sick-pet story."
"I just hope there isn’t a dog in the backseat."
"I don’t want to give her secondhand emphysema, but I sure wouldn’t mind taking some of this weight off."
"Yes, she said. But I want you to really mean it."
"My immediate goal was simply to change her mind."
"Your life, your privacy, your occasional sorrow — it’s not like you’re going to do anything with it."
"I know what I saw. It was rubber and it smelled like a pencil eraser."
"Define an arm. If you're talking about the long, hairy thing that hangs from your shoulder, okay, he's got two."
"It's just a deception, like a hairpiece or a false eyelash."
"People like mental pictures; they give them something to do besides just listening."
"I don’t mean to discourage you, but maybe you two should keep this to yourselves for a while."
"I'll chain its ass down if I have to, but ain't no baby of mine going to forsake the womb."
"I'm not feeling too hot, and it took me a while to find my medicine."
"Pills are pills. Whether they're for a dog or a human, they're the same damned thing."