I, Claudius Quotes
"I, TIBERIUS CLAUDIUS DRUSUS NERO GERMANICUS This-that-and-the-other (for I shall not trouble you yet with all my titles), who was once, and not so long ago either, known to my friends and relatives and associates as ‘Claudius the Idiot’, or ‘That Claudius’, or ‘Claudius the Stammerer’, or ‘Clau-Clau-Claudius’, or at best as ‘Poor Uncle Claudius’."
"This is not by any means my first book: in fact literature, and especially the writing of history – was, until the change came, my sole profession and interest for more than thirty-five years."
"It was a dull book, I repeat. I was in no position to criticize the Emperor Augustus, who was my maternal grand-uncle, or his third and last wife, Livia Augusta, who was my grandmother, because they had both been officially deified."
"This is a confidential history. But who, it may be asked, are my confidants? My answer is: it is addressed to posterity."
"The name ‘Livia’ is connected with the Latin word which means Malignity. My grandmother was a consummate actress, and the outward purity of her conduct, the sharpness of her wit, and the graciousness of her manners deceived nearly everybody."
"My father’s greatest victories were in the Alps, France, the Low Countries, but especially in Germany, where his name will, I think, never be forgotten."
"If he had not been so slow in his movements he would have made a champion boxer: he once killed a comrade in a friendly bout – bare-fisted, not with the usual metal boxing-gloves – with a blow on the side of the head that cracked his skull."
"He walked with his neck thrust slightly forward and his eyes on the ground. His face would have been handsome if it had not been disfigured by so many pimples, and if his eyes had not been so prominent, and if he had not worn an almost perpetual frown."
"I pray the gods to make my sons Gaius and Lucius as noble and virtuous men as this Drusus and to vouchsafe to me as honourable a death as his."
"Livia was not sure how far she could trust Tiberius. On his return with my father’s body his sympathy with her had seemed forced and insincere, and when Augustus wished himself as honourable a death as my father’s she saw a brief half-smile cross his face."
"A child had to be very hardy to survive. Only my brother Germanicus and my sister Livilla were living: both inherited my father’s magnificent constitution. I did not. I nearly died on three occasions before my second year." - Chapter 5
"I was a very sickly child – ‘a very battleground of diseases,’ the doctors said – and perhaps only lived because the diseases could not agree as to which should have the honour of carrying me off." - Chapter 5
"She did not love me. No, she had a great aversion to me, not only because of my sickliness but also because she had had a most difficult pregnancy of me." - Chapter 5
"Germanicus was her favourite, as he was everyone’s favourite, but so far from envying him for the love and admiration that he won wherever he went, I rejoiced on his behalf." - Chapter 5
"Augustus was extraordinarily fond of little boys, but only of the sort that he called ‘fine manly little fellows’, such as my brother Germanicus and his grandchildren." - Chapter 5
"He hated dwarfs and cripples and deformities, saying that they brought bad luck and should be kept out of sight." - Chapter 5
"I had always been represented as a half-wit, guessed that I could understand what they were saying." - Chapter 5
"I was not allowed to go to the Boys’ College, because the weakness of my legs would not let me take part in the gymnastic exercises." - Chapter 5
"I also spent much of my time with my mother’s women, listening to their talk as they sat spinning or carding or weaving." - Chapter 5
"Cato the Censor’s self-glorifying works as text-books, and the account that he gave in one of them of his campaign in Spain, rather disgusted me with his inhumanity than impressed me with his military skill or patriotism." - Chapter 5
"The cleverest leader is one who chooses clever people to think for him." - Camilla
"The more I read, the more of a fool they think me." - Claudius
"I am supposed to be an utter fool." - Claudius
"To be always under the necessity of taking vengeance and inflicting punishments is a very painful position for any honourable man to be in." - Livia in A Pillow Debate on Force and Gentleness
"But mere truth-tellers… people who record no more than actually occurred – such men can only hold an audience while they have a good cook and a cellar of Cyprian wine." - Sulpicius
"And may he flourish long at the shrine of that Undertaker Apollo of Pollio’s!" - Livy
"Augustus’s clemency by claiming to have pleaded, with a woman’s tenderness, for the lives of the two conspirators." - Livia
"I shall do my best to imitate Pollio’s accuracy and diligence." - Claudius
"What’s that you’re reading, boy? Trash, I’ll be bound, by the shamefaced way you hide it." - Pollio
"You’re one of the brightest young fellows I have met for years." - Pollio to Claudius
"You never heard him declaim, did you!" - Athenodorus
"We salute you in Death’s shadow!" - Sword-fighters' salute
"He felt extremes of heat and cold severely and in the winter wore no less than four coats besides a very thick gown and a long waistcoat." - Description of Augustus
"My father’s name was on everyone’s lips at the time and his veterans had come in for a good deal of reflected glory." - Claudius
"I would have no objection to his being put in charge of the priests’ mess-room, but on the strict understanding that he leaves everything to his brother-in-law, young Plautius Silvanus, and merely does what he is told." - Augustus about Claudius
"But I shan’t be sure of that until I see the child, which may well be a monster like him." - Livia about Claudius
"Military reputation is nothing to me if I injure you by it." - Germanicus to Postumus
"Who wounded thee, shall make thee whole."
"For Augustus’s rule had been a very long one and a man had to be already past middle age to remember back behind it."
"But I must not fail to tell about the contents of Augustus’s will, the reading of which was awaited with general interest and impatience."
"The cruel god Momus must have been in that chair."
"A simple Roman knight, Crispus? Then you had better take a few simple Roman riding-lessons."
"I have treated you very badly all these years and I’m sincerely sorry and from now on you’ll see that things will change."
"I promise you it will come. When Germanicus knows the truth he’ll not rest until you’re free again, and neither will I."
"What is the meaning of the letter c? It is the sign for one hundred."
"He said that the Germans were a very stupid race and incapable either of thinking out any such plan or of executing it without giving the secret away long before the time was ripe."
"I shall not write more about Augustus’s funeral, though a more magnificent one has never been seen at Rome."
"This put the men into an ugly temper. They asked why in Hell's name had he come then if he had no power to do anything for them."
"They took the eclipse for a sign that Heaven was angry with them for their murder of Old Give-me-Another and for their defiance of authority."
"Germanicus asked with horror in his voice: ‘Men, is this true?’"
"‘In the name of my father Tiberius I promise you justice. He has your welfare at heart as deeply as I have and whatever can be done for you without danger to the Empire he will do. I’ll answer for that.’"
"‘You’re mad, men, to talk like that. What do you think I am? A traitor?’"
"‘You’re the Emperor for us,’ they answered."
"‘My full pardon will only be given when you have wiped out the memory of your bloody crimes by a bloodier victory over your country’s enemies, the Germans.’"
"‘Tiberius continued to rule with moderation and consulted the Senate before taking any step of the least political importance.’"
"‘By the way, what reward did you get for losing your eye?’ ‘The personal thanks of the Commander-in-Chief, and three decorations, including the Crown and the Chain.’"
"‘You had better do all your laughing in advance, because if you still have any throat left to laugh through in three days from now my name’s not Hermann.’"
"Never trust a German out of your sight, but never be afraid of him when you have him face to face."
"The more heads you lopped off the more it grew."
"Princes were mortal, but the commonwealth eternal."
"Let them hate me, so long as they fear me."
"Drunk and incapable, am I? I’ll show you if I’m drunk and incapable."
"Your wife is quite right. You’re a coward."
"Just forget for a moment that I’m a Protector of the People."
"Except where I am convinced that an informer does not expect to benefit directly or indirectly by his accusations, but brings them from a sense of true patriotism and public decency, I not only discount their importance as evidence but I put a black mark against that informer’s name and never afterwards employ him in any position of trust."
"To use the majesty of the law for revenging any petty act of private spite is to make a public confession of weakness, cowardice, and an ignoble spirit."
"The loving gratitude of the Senate and the people of Rome and of our allies is the fairest temple I would raise – a temple not of marble but more enduring than marble, a temple of the heart."
"The only way that I can show my absolute confidence in your disinterested loyalty and profound judgement is to give way at last to your repeated pleas for the recall of Tiberius."
"I want you two to know each other better than you do. That’s one reason for this dinner."
"I am all the better for your kind enquiries, my boy. And as a mother my advice to you is: be very careful of the barbel you eat on your island."
"I said, ‘Kill him! Kill the brat! It’s our only hope.’"
"My Lords, I could say much in my defence but shall say nothing, because this trial is not being conducted in a constitutional manner and the verdict has been long ago decided."
"I swear you have done me equal wrong in thinking that I have the least feeling of disloyalty towards you or that I have any ambition to rule either directly or indirectly."
"I’ll not rest until it’s fulfilled, Grandmother."
"I’m going now, Claudius. Close my eyes and put the coin in my mouth that you’ll find under the pillow."
"Thank you: you have taken a great load off my mind."
"I have never really been ill. Only resting. And undergoing a metamorphosis."
"You’re a lot of ignorant old frauds. You know nothing at all about it."
"Tell her that she’s a Goddess too, in case she hasn’t noticed it."
"I have worked it out already: one farthing."
"Caligula thought this a great joke. ‘Nothing at all to sell? Why, what about the clothes you’re wearing?’"
"‘For one man to kill five isn’t fair fighting,’ I said."
"It’s a very difficult thing, you know, Claudius, to be a God in human disguise."
"If I see any treason hatching anywhere below me, I shall give a warning growl of thunder so!"
"‘Father, Father, spare your pretty daughter!’"
"He made a new edict one morning about the hours of business permitted in various sorts of shops."
"He sent round presents of honied fruits to some recent testators. They all died at once."
"He was becoming more and more capricious."
"I was careful to let Caligula know how poor I was."
"Calpurnia cried and Briseis cried and both kissed me good-bye very tenderly."
"My companions and I silently clasped hands in farewell."
"Suddenly we heard a clash of cymbals and the gay music of oboes and fiddles."
"I had the sense to prostrate myself on the ground."
"‘Pretty girl, wasn’t she, Claudius, you old lecher?’"
"‘All right, then, I’ll marry you two to-morrow.’"
"‘I was in love with her already, Calpurnia said.’"
"‘Spare our lives. We are only tools in the hands of powerful men.’"
"‘Soon I shall grant you all an amnesty, my enemies, and reign with love and peace a thousand years.’"
"‘Would it have been necessary for him to question the captain about your movements?’"
"‘I shall have three Imperial cities, and Rome won’t be one of them.’"