Uganda Be Kidding Me Quotes
"I manually maneuvered my head forty-five degrees in the opposite direction to look over at my lesbian friend Shelly."
"My doctor had told me very specifically not to take more than four Xanax in two days; I had already taken seven."
"When Kim Kardashian finally births Kanye’s next black baby, wouldn’t it be wonderful if they named the baby Africa with a k?"
"Adults wearing pajamas are already hard to take seriously; it’s even harder to respect that person when she’s a forty-five-year-old professional."
"I’ve found it’s always best to travel in even numbers, so there were six of us being flown into the 'bush.'"
"Accompanying us would be my newly divorced sister Simone (I facilitated it)."
"Sue is best described as a female Hunter S. Thompson but with her shit slightly more together."
"The idea of going on safari; if I had wanted to go to camping, I would have driven four hours north of Los Angeles."
"It’s also worth mentioning that I’m not a huge fan of brushing my hair and/or showering."
"I believe my scent is natural, beautiful, and banana."
"I woke up the next morning and Shelly was nowhere to be found."
"I pray to the Lord Jesus Christ that you’re right."
"I can’t believe I bleached my asshole for this trip."
"It felt very safe and calm traveling at less than one mile per hour."
"The moon is a satellite of the earth and the sun is a star."
"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness."
"Being a Jew, it is kind of embarrassing I haven’t been to one yet."
"The difference between a regular alcoholic and myself is that when I receive disappointing news or alerts, I withdraw from alcohol."
"I’m fully aware this is coming from someone who lost control of her bowels in a kayak."
"I wouldn’t even do that in the privacy of my own home. Well, maybe there, but I wouldn’t let my cleaning lady clean it up—not if it came out of one of my orifices."
"I’m not sure how frequently you fly, but the notion that anything electronic is actually interfering with the radio frequency of the FAA tower is a fallacy."
"I tried to figure out why I couldn’t just let little things slide."
"For some reason I seem to come up against it more often than the regular Tom, Dick, or Harriet."
"Needless to say, the rest of the trip was a disaster, and by the time I arrived in Montenegro, I had not only stopped speaking, I had stopped responding verbally."
"I would rather be bummed out for a day than to party like nothing happened and be bummed out for a week."
"I don’t have enough drugs to go heli-skiing with you."
"The only two things you and I do well together are dance and fuck. So let’s just do that."
"I hadn’t in fact tried to go down on myself but had put my mouthpiece in my underwear as a protective shield."
"If I’m going to get raped and killed, I was intent on sleeping through it."
"I don’t mind them once in a while, but it can’t be a regular thing."
"I’m trapped in my house and I need a margarita!"
"I may never go [to Yellowstone National Park]."
"The face of an angel, the mind of a devil, and a heart of gold."