Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ Quotes
"Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel." - Horace Walpole
"The hallmark of such a hijack is that once the moment passes, those so possessed have the sense of not knowing what came over them."
"The emotional brain’s imprecision in such moments is added to by the fact that many potent emotional memories date from the first few years of life."
"Our emotions have a mind of their own, one which can hold views quite independently of our rational mind."
"The amygdala can have us spring to action while the slightly slower—but more fully informed—neocortex unfolds its more refined plan for reaction."
"The very same neurochemical alerting systems that prime the body to react to life-threatening emergencies by fighting or fleeing also stamp the moment in memory with vividness."
"A stimulus, be it a favorite pet or a detested acquaintance, no longer triggers either attraction or aversion; these patients have 'forgotten' all such emotional lessons."
"Feelings are typically indispensable for rational decisions; they point us in the proper direction, where dry logic can then be of best use."
"How we do in life is determined by both—it is not just IQ, but emotional intelligence that matters."
"The brightest among us can founder on the shoals of unbridled passions and unruly impulses."
"A life without passion would be a dull wasteland of neutrality, cut off and isolated from the richness of life itself."
"Worry doesn’t work well. Instead of coming up with solutions to these potential problems, worriers typically simply ruminate on the danger itself."
"The trick, of course, is to get anger to cool to the point where someone can have a pleasant time in the first place."
"Worries are ways to deal with potential threats, with dangers that may come one’s way."
"The very symptoms of depression bespeak a life on hold."
"But chronic worries are self-defeating too in that they take the form of stereotyped, rigid ideas, not creative breakthroughs."
"Of course, not all sadness should be escaped; melancholy, like every other mood, has its benefits."
"Worrying about what’s depressing us, it seems, makes the depression all the more intense and prolonged."
"Typically none of this reflection is accompanied by any concrete course of action that might alleviate the problem."
"Other common worries include 'isolating yourself and thinking about how terrible you feel.'"
"Depressed people sometimes justify this kind of rumination by saying they are trying to 'understand themselves better'."
"Rumination can also make the depression stronger by creating conditions that are, well, more depressing."
"Women, Nolen-Hoeksma finds, are far more prone to ruminate when they are depressed than are men."
"Cognitive therapy aimed at changing these thought patterns has been found in some studies to be on a par with medication for treating mild clinical depression."
"The tendency for depression to perpetuate itself shades even the kinds of distractions people choose."
"The capacity to resist that impulse to act, to squelch the incipient movement, most likely translates at the level of brain function into inhibition of limbic signals to the motor cortex."
"Empathy builds on self-awareness; the more open we are to our own emotions, the more skilled we will be in reading feelings."
"Aikido is the art of reconciliation. Whoever has the mind to fight has broken his connection with the universe."
"A possible physiological basis of heartless psychopathy has been shown in two ways, both of which suggest the involvement of neural pathways to the limbic brain."
"Being able to manage emotions in someone else is the core of the art of handling relationships."
"To manifest such interpersonal power, toddlers must first reach a benchmark of self-control."
"The power to determine emotion is akin to what is called in biology a Zeitgeber."
"Men and women want and expect very different things out of a conversation, with men content to talk about 'things,' while women seek emotional connection."
"Nothing gets resolved positively when husband or wife is in the midst of an emotional hijacking."
"A flow of words doth ever ease the heart of sorrows; it is like opening the waste where the mill dam is overfull."
"Family life is our first school for emotional learning."
"The ways a couple handles the feelings between them impart powerful lessons to their children."
"Some parents are gifted emotional teachers, others atrocious."
"Emotionally intelligent parents are the most effective in helping their children with their emotional ups and downs."
"The three most common emotionally inept parenting styles: ignoring feelings altogether, being too laissez-faire, and being contemptuous."
"Parents who act as emotional coaches take their child’s feelings seriously enough to help the child find positive ways to soothe their feelings."
"One of the basic emotional lessons for a child is how to distinguish among feelings."
"Anger is so often prompted by first feeling hurt."
"Every parent has seen this: from birth a child will be calm and placid or testy and difficult."
"Experience, particularly in childhood, sculpts the brain."
"The habits of emotional management that are repeated over and over again during childhood and the teenage years will themselves help mold this circuitry."
"The brain changes in the patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder show that emotional habits are malleable throughout life, with some sustained effort, even at the neural level."
"Psychotherapy—that is, systematic emotional relearning—stands as a case in point for the way experience can both change emotional patterns and shape the brain."
"For very young infants, soothing comes from caretakers: a mother hears her infant crying, picks him up, holds and rocks him until he calms down."
"The human brain is by no means fully formed at birth. It continues to shape itself through life, with the most intense growth occurring during childhood."
"There is a range of possibility even within genetic constraints."
"All learning implies a change in the brain, a strengthening of synaptic connection."
"Educators, long disturbed by schoolchildren’s lagging scores in math and reading, are realizing there is a different and more alarming deficiency: emotional illiteracy."
"Learning doesn't take place in isolation from kids' feelings. Being emotionally literate is as important for learning as instruction in math and reading."
"You always have choices about how you respond to emotion, and the more ways you know to respond to an emotion, the richer your life can be."
"It is not enough for a child simply to know about 'good' and 'bad' touching; children need the self-awareness to know when a situation feels wrong or distressing long before the touching begins."
"Everyone, adult or fifth grader, needs some help being a self-observer when they're so upset."
"The more emotionally skilled we are, the better we can make our way in the world."
"The lessons applied in such electric moments will last in students’ memories."
"The main hope of a nation lies in the proper education of its youth."
"Being able to name feelings, and so better distinguish between them, is a key emotional skill."
"Once a kid knows a teacher will listen to an emotional problem, not just academic ones, the avenue is open to have that conversation."
"Tired." "Confused." "You can’t think right." "Anxious."
"When everyone is talking," a girl offers, smiling.
"The eyes are open and the inner corners go up."
"There are wrinkles in the middle of the forehead."
"Schoolyard bullies, remember, often strike out in anger because they misinterpret neutral messages and expressions as hostile."
"Some programs in emotional and social skills take no curriculum or class time as a separate subject at all, but instead infiltrate their lessons into the very fabric of school life."
"A teacher seeing three first graders pushing to be the first in the lunchroom line might suggest that they each guess a number, and let the winner go first."
"The discussion will not mention the names of those involved; instead the teacher points out that all children share such problems from time to time, and they all need to learn how to handle them."
"To be most effective, emotional lessons must be pegged to the development of the child, and repeated at different ages in ways that fit a child’s changing understanding and challenges."
"The ability to defer gratification and to control and channel one’s urges to act is a basic emotional skill, one that in a former day was called will."
"The bedrock of character is self-discipline; the virtuous life, as philosophers since Aristotle have observed, is based on self-control."
"Being the victim of trauma shatters a person's faith that the world is a place that can be trusted."
"The comforting presence of another person, inhibits limbic activity, lowering the rate of secretion of acetylcholine, cortisol, and catecholamines."
"Increased distress is the result of a medical condition, as well as precipitating it."
"Growing less shy: social exposure and supportive parenting can help timid children become more outgoing."
"Emotional competence can be seen as an array of skills and traits that fuel better outcomes in life."
"Understanding and managing our emotions helps to navigate life's ups and downs with resilience."
"The ability to delay gratification and manage impulses is crucial for success and well-being."
"Empathy is not just feeling with someone, but understanding their emotions deeply."
"Recognizing and respecting others' emotions fosters healthier relationships and social harmony."
"Cultivating emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey that enhances personal and professional growth."