Getting The Love You Want : A Guide For Couples Quotes
"The world is not comprehensible, but it is embraceable: through the embracing of one of its beings."
"Above all else, we seek connection—with parts of ourselves that we have repressed, with other people, and with the larger universe."
"We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship."
"If we do not feel connected, it is because something has happened to us to rupture our awareness of the connection."
"We have one diagnosis of unhappy couples—ruptured connection, and we have one goal in therapy: helping them restore awareness of connection with each other."
"The beauty of this exercise is that it deliberately blurs the boundaries between your partner and your parents."
"The relationship becomes a sacred space. Heal in the present; heal the past; heal the relation to the whole."
"Love heals all. It can even heal the deepest emotional wound of all—the ruptured connection between you and your parents."
"Marriage is not a static state between two unchanging people. Marriage is a psychological and spiritual journey."
"We are all wounded by our caretakers' intrusiveness or neglect."
"When a little girl wanders out of the room, her insecure mother might call out, "Don’t go into the next room! You might get hurt!""
"Without the child’s knowing it, this fear of engulfment becomes a key part of her character."
"Some children grow up feeling emotionally abandoned."
"Your angry feelings, your sexual feelings, and a host of other "antisocial" thoughts and feelings were pushed deep inside of you."
"We try to fill this emptiness with food and drugs and activities, but what we yearn for is our original wholeness."
"To be a "good" boy or girl, you had to psychologically cut off or disown that part of yourself."
"It didn’t take much probing to discover part of the reason for Sarah’s anxiety."
"The ultimate price of his obedience is a loss of wholeness."
"The tragedy was not only that Sarah lost her ability to reason, but also that she acquired the unconscious belief that thinking was dangerous."
"We cover our wounds with healing ointment and gauze in an attempt to heal ourselves, but despite our efforts an emptiness wells up inside us."
"Our unconscious drive to repair the emotional damage of childhood is what allows us to realize our spiritual potential as human beings, to become complete and loving people capable of nurturing others."
"The only kind of love that our old brain will accept is the kind with no strings attached."
"In order to have a satisfying love relationship, both partners need to draw their energy back into the relationship."
"It is easier to tackle a difficult project if you divide it into small, manageable tasks."
"A crucial lesson learned in the preverbal stage of his development left an indelible imprint on his mind: other people were supposed to figure out what he needed and give it to him without his having to do anything more than cry."
"In most interactions with your partner, you are actually safer when you lower your defenses than when you keep them engaged, because your partner becomes an ally, not an enemy."
"We want to be loved and cared for without having to do anything in return."
"A conscious partnership is a relationship that fosters maximum psychological and spiritual growth; it’s a relationship created by becoming conscious and cooperating with the fundamental drives of the unconscious mind—to be safe, to be healed, and to be whole."
"It’s human nature to want a life without effort."
"The sensation of being fully alive is deeply pleasurable."
"We didn’t blame our parents or society for equating pleasure with pain; it simply appeared to be our lot in life."
"Gradually we developed a built-in prohibition against pleasure."
"Our fun was also cut short because it threatened the repressed state of our caregivers."
"Whatever a person’s reason for resisting this exercise, my prescription is the same: 'Keep doing the exercise exactly as described.'"
"Given enough time and enough repetition, your brain can adjust to a different reality."
"The most effective form of therapy is one that combines both schools of thought."
"Insight alone does not heal childhood wounds."
"Relationships give you the opportunity to be continually schooled in your own reality and in the reality of another person."
"We like to believe that the way we see the world is the way the world is."
"If you respect each other’s point of view and see it as a way to enrich your own, you will be able to take clearer, more accurate pictures."
"Instead of seeing your partner’s differing views as a source of conflict, you realize that they are a source of knowledge."
"What you’re saying makes sense to me. I can see how you are thinking, and why you would think that way."
"Love of the self is achieved through the love of the other."
"To your old brain, it’s far safer to turn away your partner’s love than to trigger a parent’s rage."
"To silence this voice, you find ways to undermine your partner’s behavior."
"A love relationship can fulfill your hidden drive to be healed and whole."
"Without safety, they cannot say what’s on their minds, express their full range of feelings, or be who they really are."
"Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it necessary? Is it true? Does it improve on the silence?"
"The task may seem daunting, but the rewards are great."
"We are no longer cut off from the rest of the world."
"What adults do, think, and even feel alters the physical structure of their brains."
"The universe has meaning and purpose, and we experience ourselves as part of a larger whole."
"I learned that venting anger was like blowing the foam off a glass of beer: A few puffs, and you’re done with it. Instead, it’s like blowing on a fire—the more you blow, the hotter the flame."
"Working things out with Greg is the hardest thing I’ve ever done."
"Marriage is like growing flowers. You always have to work on it."
"Early on in our relationship, we were both volatile people."
"My marriage has also made me a better communicator and able to withstand more pressure."
"The strongest force in the universe is what I would call ‘Christ in us’ or the Holy Spirit."
"What you are doing for your partner is what you’re doing for yourself."
"That’s the kind of woman that I would like to have as the mother of my children."
"I felt cast out. I wasn’t the center of attention anymore."
"I finally made a full commitment to our marriage."
"Relationships tend to move in circles and vortices; there are cycles, periods of calm and periods of turbulence."
"Love moves freely between them without apparent effort."
"I learned most of what I know about couples from them."
"Nothing is more important to them than their primary love relationship."
"You learn faster and better if you get expert supervision."
"The romantic or love marriage is influenced, perhaps even determined, by the parents."
"Marriage can be an arena for personal growth that matches or exceeds the offerings of other forms of personal salvation."
"The experience of romantic love seems to us to be stimulated by an outside source, namely the loved one."
"The power struggle is ultimately a defense against death."
"Love influences body functions as well as psychological processes."
"Creating healthy intimate partnerships and healthy children ultimately transforms society."
"Marriage is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived."
"The essence of love is perception, therefore the essence of self-love is self-perception."
"In marriage, when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long."
"The goal of a conscious partnership is not to avoid conflict but to resolve it."