From The Ashes: My Story Of Being Métis, Homeless, And Finding My Way Quotes
I always dream of dying," I said. "And I can't take it to heaven with me.
"Berries, Kokum said, knew well their role as life-givers, and we had to honour and respect that."
"Or maybe they're right, maybe it's quitting time. Let’s get back, chi garçon; we have enough to make a good bannock."
She doesn’t mind us being here," Mushoom said. "And it lets me hunt and trap freely and be my own boss, which I like.
You didn’t make a sound," Mom said. "No screams or whimpers or nothing, just a wet plop sound.
"Dad, you roll the best. Take my Zig-Zags and do like last time."
"We live like this to be free, like our ancestors."
"I knew Grandma dreamed the same dream that I did."
"My hand was covered in slobber, but it was his way of saying thank you, and I loved the way his tongue tickled my fingers."
"Each of us took a turn razzing the person next to us."
"It was like the instant I’d opened my eyes that morning, hours before everyone came, before all the jokes."
"That was my Christmas wish, what I’d dreamt of that morning and what I was dreaming of again."
"I knew something must be wrong and wanted to hug him right through the drywall."
"We watched in awe as she marshalled forth a parade of food."
"You’re an asshole, just like your father."
"I wondered if my mom was a Cree for a second."
"I hated explaining to other kids where my parents were and why my skin was darker than theirs."
"That’s how I know you love each other," he shouted and waved. "You didn’t even think of dear old dad."
"You’re always with that girl," Leeroy complained. "You’re never around anymore."
"Look at that one," I said as I pointed to the North Star. "That’s the star Indians used to hunt by; they’d follow it and know where to go."
"Sometimes life just tears people from one another. That happened with my family when I was young."
"You don’t find girls like her every day," he said. "She’s special."
"Grandpa," I announced, "I want to buy a car."
"Jesse, please," Karen had pleaded. "How are you going to afford college now?"
"You are on your own now—this isn’t your home anymore."
"You’re just a fucking asshole like Sonny, to shit all over love like that."
"Call me," she mouthed, holding a banana to her ear like she was on the phone.
"We’ve got to think of something quick," Leeroy said as I emerged. "I’m literally starving."
"You could die from it," he said. And that it was impossible to steal in Vancouver because we looked like "starving crackheads, like all the street people."
"Don’t even think of here. Josh told me what happened—you are not part of this family."
"I don’t know how to say it," he said, not looking at me, another oddity.
"You’re making a big mistake," she said. "Karen’s a wonderful girl."
"You’ve gotta think," Uncle Ron said. "Your life’s on the line."
"They did it," I shouted. "They fucking killed that taxi guy and gave me this shirt!"
"I’m just glad you’re here, safe. Not hitchhiking across the continent, starving and shit."
"I love you, dude," I said, the words gurgled up out of my throat in a moment of euphoria.
"Be careful," Uncle Ron said. His eyes were a little redder now. It was hard to tell if it was the weed.
"You can have it," Stefan interrupted, "if you can help us out."
"We know you’re in there. We just got a call from dispatch."
"I’d like to report a murder," I said. "The cabbie from yesterday—Baljinder Singh Rai."
"You’ll get it soon enough, you fucking rat." He spit on the ground, mounted his bike, and flipped me the bird as he rode away.
"All people who give to those around them prosper by them, and all those selfish bloodclaats that don't, get nothing but fire."
"The details of my arrest are sketchy at best. I remember the squad car ride to the station, how the officers were laughing at how bad I smelled, and the relief of knowing I was headed to jail, where I could rest and clean up and get some medical aid."
"I'd done a huge toke of crack after breaking into a car and was having bad hallucinations and thought the Ewok creatures were coming for me."
"I'm fighting in the trenches on two fronts now. Against the criminals and cops, I thought, because he'd implied the thing I feared most."
"I just wish I hadn't had to go to jail to figure that out—that and so much else."
"One. My arms wobbled as I pushed up. Hands: shoulder-width apart. Feet: together. Body: straight."
"It’s a nice theory, but how do you know they won’t just take your stuff?"
"The guys on the range were impressed that I’d fought off so many undercover police—the bikers, as it turned out—and had gone fist-to-cuffs with three uniformed police officers."
"I knew I’d be safer in jail than wandering around with no place to go. Society, I figured, cares more about criminals than they do about the homeless."
"The Personal Needs Allowance (PNA) I got every day at the shelter bought me my morning wake-and-bake hit of crack."
"I gritted my teeth and felt a burn in my triceps as I dipped down and up another time."
"I tried with all my might to keep straight but as my nose touched the floor first, my bum shot up in the air."
"My blue jail underwear dangled low, finding the ground before I touched down and hoisted myself up again."
"Halfway down my muscles failed. My arms locked and wouldn’t push up anymore."
"Last thing I remember was my hands letting go, then the hollow sound of my skull smashing into the pavement."
You shouldn’t be exercising, Mr. Thistle," he said. "Your blood pressure is too low, you’re still too emaciated.
"I watched as the inmate gave the chaplain an envelope and took a pile of papers to the back table."
"I observed him for about a week. He was quiet—the mark of a true gent, like Priest said."
I’d like to try that out," I said to him one day after I’d finished working out with the water bags. "School. Give it another go.
"This is my reading assignment. Try reading the first line."
"I got an 85 percent on the final. Something within me shifted."
"Rumours spread that I was flying kites to the screws, squawking, because cell raids always happened right after I’d handed in my homework."
"You living like this is hurting her, and it makes me want to beat you up—seriously."
I see through your macho bullshit," he said. "Always have.
"I WAS STEALING BIKES FROM people’s backyards."
"I heard laughing, followed by the close whine of sirens and wheels grinding on concrete."
"I’m going by bus to Ottawa to rehab tomorrow. The chaplain bought me a ticket."
"I didn’t get it right the first time in rehab. No one ever does."
"I wiped my hand across my mouth and started toward the Giant Tiger, where I hoped to steal a new pair of pants."
"My foot was numb, and I decided to take a rest—I wouldn’t be able to fish change from the Centennial Flame fountain on Parliament Hill, either."
"I slumped forward on the bench and held my head in my hands, trying to remember how my name sounded."
"I picked myself up and began my long descent."
"I lived by the criminal’s creed: live for today, forget the past, damn the future."
"I took what i wanted, stole what i needed, and robbed when i could."
"That is how i can fight the darkness now. Because i once was the darkness."
"I was in no shape to face Old Man Winter in Ottawa; I didn’t own a jacket or even a sweater."
"The freedom that first day felt incredible. Like I’d been some cooped-up dog who’d discovered the gate left open."
"I went ballistic. I know now that the compulsion to get high had eroded any moral judgment that I had."
"I dream that a colony of maggots is eating the gangrenous flesh around the incision and my toes are nothing but exposed bone."
"I often wonder how I came to run with my foot the way it is."
"Every step is a gift, every one is sacred, and each, in its own little way, is a prayer for me."