Summer Secrets Quotes
"For as long as I can remember, I have always had the feeling of not quite fitting in, not being the same as everyone else."
"The older I grew, the more that difference felt like inadequacy; I wasn’t pretty enough, or thin enough, or simply enough."
"None of my daydreams came true, and at fourteen I finally discovered a great way of easing the pain of all those unfulfilled dreams, those unfulfilled longings, those misplaced hopes."
"Alcohol made me beautiful in a way I never felt the rest of the time. It filled me with a confidence that had always been missing."
"My mother prizes loyalty above all else."
"You look at pictures of my mum from those days and she was in flowing, hippie-ish clothes, always smiling. She had long, silky hair, and looked happy and free."
"I hated him for how he treated me, and I hated him for how he treated my mother."
"What could I do other than pretend I was having a great time, and how could I not have a great time with my new best friend, vodka, when vodka had made me feel so good?"
"The drinking became a little more of a problem when I went to university."
"It wasn’t long before everyone knew that a party didn’t get started until Cat arrived."
"I am awash with shame. I may be on my own, but my cheeks are burning."
"I cried less because my dad was dying than for the dad I had never had."
"It seemed to me that if ever there were two people on the planet who should not have been together, it was my parents."
"This trip will change my life, she decided, will change my future going forward."
"I have always adored this good-looking, stylish gay man on the fashion desk, but now I think he may have become my official gay best friend."
"I still can’t touch gin. The very smell of it makes me think of the hours and hours of deadly bedspins, the hours and hours of throwing up the next day."
"I didn’t feel bad about it. Which I still feel bad about."
"My father could be fun, but it always felt like an act."
"I cried for the missed opportunities, for not having a dad who loved me unconditionally and unreservedly."
"She’s used to these Saturday morning phone calls."
"I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for him, but the end result is the same."
"I have always prided myself on my chameleonlike ability to blend in, but there's nothing I hate more than getting it wrong."
"I love that you can step onto a plane not knowing anyone and emerge a few hours later with a new best friend."
"The only place she felt safe, and loved, was here with my dad."
"Strip away the armor and she's incredibly loyal. And strong. And a doer. She never talks about doing stuff, she just gets it done."
"I am so used to being single, to phoning up Jamie for sex when I feel like it, to going out with the girls or, of late, given that all the girls are now in cozy relationships, to doing things by myself, I had forgotten what it feels like to be in a relationship."
"It is the perfect addition to this flight; I have my book, my magazine, movies, and the task of stilling the fantasies in my head, which, I'm very clear, are to hide the fact that I'm actually nervous as hell."
"Ellie's mom and my dad split up when she was a baby. Her mom had lived here, on Nantucket, before moving to Boston after the split."
"I'm not going to think about it anymore. I'm just going to try to focus on the flight, the movie, the book, the food, the wine. I'm going to focus on getting to JFK and finding my connecting flight to the tiny airport on Nantucket."
"I’m fine. Although if you were talking vodka, that would be another story entirely."
"I sleep the sleep of the dead. A sleep so deep that when I wake up I have absolutely no idea where I am."
"Shame is not here to greet me at the start of this beautiful new day."
"I didn’t draw the blinds, and light is streaming through onto the bed."
"I am quietly merry, as is Cat, who is also on holiday and therefore entitled to have some fun."
"I am an alcoholic. Today, I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic, but it was not always the case."
"We were the couple that all the singles aspired to be."
"I am never tempted these days, and quite happy to keep wine at home for when Sam comes over."
"I have spent years trying to make people happy."
"I have spent years trying to figure out how to make myself happy, how to come to terms with who I am."
"It’s just a weak Bloody Mary, for God’s sake."
"Isn’t life just more fun with a drink under your belt?"
"I try very hard to have something punctuate my day so I have to leave my house."
"I am always filled with peace and acceptance and tremendous clarity."
"We’re on vacation, Sam. It doesn’t matter what the house is like."
"Because I never fit in as a child, I always felt as if I were standing slightly on the outside, looking in."
"It doesn’t matter whether it’s my regular meeting in London or one in an unfamiliar place. It doesn’t matter whether I recognize a soul in there, for wherever I am, as soon as I walk in, I know I’m home."
"Perhaps if I had found my way to them, what happened with Aidan wouldn’t have happened. I can’t dwell on the what-ifs, though; I can only make sure I don’t mess up again."
"The only way through this discomfort is through it, I suppose."
"Procrastination is something I’ve always been very good at, especially when I was drinking."
"In program we say there are two types of people on the island: those that are in AA, and those that should be."
"Other people’s behavior is none of my business."
"Secrets have a habit of rising to the surface, like milk gone sour."
"I have to show him I’ve changed by how I raise my daughter, how I interact with him, the choices I make every second of every day."
"I have heard enough times that you don’t get to move on, to fully recover, until you do the steps, and I know making the amends is the most important one."
"Whatever they must have thought of me has nothing to do with me."
"I have been carrying this fear, this dread, for the longest time, terrified of what she would say."
"I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this, not here, not in public, and not really at all, but I have heard enough times that you don’t get to move on, to fully recover, until you do the steps."
"It turns out that it is true when people say you have nothing to fear but the fear itself."
"I tried to hide it from her, begged Jason not to tell her, but then realized I had to come clean, that it was better for everyone."
I think of the giggling kids I have seen all over town. "Were there any drugs?"
"I have no idea what to say. And as we stand there, clasping hands, forgetting to let go as we look into each other’s eyes, recognition starts to dawn, and I swear to God I watch the smile literally slide off her face as she gasps."
I shake my head and start to laugh. "Not this time, Sam. You think everyone’s gay, particularly if they’re handsome and in good shape. There’s no way his mother would have set us up if he was gay. And he’s not gay."
"Years ago, I would override my instincts at every turn."
"I resist the urge to roll my eyes. The drama!"
"It isn’t that the voice is telling me there’s something wrong with Trudy, just that perhaps the sweetness isn’t all there is."
"Religion was never part of my life when I was a child, although I always had a belief in God."
"We’re here on holiday, for God’s sake, and she is thirteen years old."
"I am sitting at a trestle table, at the firemen’s fund-raiser, moving pasta salad around my paper plate with a plastic fork, when a couple of policemen walk into the room."
"I never understood spooning, for example."
"I can’t actually believe our daughter was in an accident."
"I have to let go and let God; that if it is God’s will, it will happen."
"I didn’t go into the bar, but I wanted to."
"I had always thought that Ellie was the bitch, that Julia was the one I had so much in common with."
"I am rooted to the spot in horror, unable to believe what I talked about."