Why Not Me? Quotes
"You don't have to give people candy to like you, Mindy. They will like you ... for you."
"What’s so wrong with effort, anyway? It means you care."
"The truth is, it's hard to get people to like you, but it's even harder to keep people liking you."
"If my childhood, teens, and twenties were about wanting people to like me, now I want people to know me."
"Who is the beauty icon that inspires you the most? Is it Sophia Loren? Audrey Hepburn? Halle Berry? Mine is Nosferatu, because that vampire taught me my number-one and number-two favorite beauty tricks of all time: avoid the sun at all costs and always try to appear shrouded in shadows."
"The gulf between a friend and a best friend is enormous and profound."
"All any girl wants to do in college is dress like a hot slut and be able to say that it was 'mandatory.'"
"I should mention that I did learn a few undeniably useful things at my sorority, like: a) the trick to getting any guy to fall in love with you is to laugh at everything he says and touch your mouth a lot, and b) in a pinch, you can wash your bras in a salad spinner."
"So much of college is girls labeling other girls terrible things when they don’t like their behavior, but using concerned language so they have plausible deniability if they get accused of being bitches."
"It’s exciting, like seeing a guy you are really attracted to from across the room at a party. None, however, has managed to infiltrate deep into my best-friend group, where they have seen me openly weep, heard me talk shit about my job, or checked my scalp for worrisome alopecia spots."
"I want to be a better person because I don’t want to disappoint those girls. I stop and think about my actions more. I tip great, I try not to swear too much, and I remember to thank people and be grateful."
"I was lucky enough to be employed at one of the remaining great NBC shows of the mid-2000s, The Office."
"There are more than a thousand people in one square mile of this studio who would kill to have this job. Get your ass up off the floor and go back into that writers’ room, you weakling."
"Over the course of the series, I had gone from a gleeful and inexperienced writer who couldn’t believe she was in front of a camera to a pretty confident actress."
"I noticed, though, as the years went by, that my passionate arguments became quieter."
"Anyone who announces they love filming sex scenes is going to be perceived as some kind of weirdo who gets their jollies off at work."
"If you believe in yourself and work hard, you have a fighting shot at having your dreams come true."
"What’s beautiful can also be what’s beautiful, though."
"I think there has been some precedent of that in Hollywood."
"The most sensible response to reading a talented newcomer’s spec script is to keep insisting, draft after draft, that it’s confusing in some way, until they move back home and live with their parents."
"Make a list of the people you think would make the greatest mentors and try to get close enough to steal their Wi-Fi."
"I have watched more TV than an angry thirteen-year-old child of divorce."
"People who say breakfast should be the biggest meal are insane. You can’t have dessert at breakfast."
"Nothing is sadder than pages of unmarked dialogue."
"Prop cake is the sweetest kind of cake because, unlike with regular cake, it has no calories because my character is eating it, not me."
"I sleep so deeply, and so quickly, my writer Tracey Wigfield has commented that when I close my eyes to nap, 'It’s like you die for a few minutes.'"
"Sometimes I wake up and hope I slept through a Walking Dead–type zombie apocalypse and I have to lead humans into a new world order."
"People don’t say 'Give me your honest opinion' because they want an honest opinion. They say it because it’s rude to say 'Please tell me I’m amazing.'"
"Throwing a tantrum feels good because you think you are ruining everyone’s good time when you feel your very worst. But the truth is, you’re not ruining their good time, you’re just giving them another good story."
"I have Preparation H smeared all over my face in these pictures. I have no idea what it does to the sphincter, but it keeps my makeup looking flawless."
"The whole time we were getting ready I was trying to get dirt on this actress but they revealed nothing, which drove me crazy, because celebrity secrets are more valuable than diamonds."
"Instead of shaking my hand, as he was doing with everyone else on the receiving line, the president heard my name, lit up, and hugged me."
"The salads were served in delicate glass horticulture bowls. The butter was molded into the shape of a tiny, intricate bow."
"We got drunk. The kind of drunk where you are eating off the dessert plate of someone very high up at the NSA and you’re not even worried they’re going to wiretap your email later."
"I’m not even one of those women who doesn’t want their boyfriend to watch porn. I think it’s hot! As long as I’m watching it with him, and there’s some kind of entry point for women, like Fifty Shades of Grey or Magic Mike."
"I just want a boyfriend who is sweet and trustworthy. That’s it."
"I’m the kind of person who, if my feelings are unrequited, can completely detach from someone emotionally if I simply put my mind to it."
"I knew I had the power to make this a big deal if I wanted to, but the truth is, I wasn’t in my twenties anymore—in a good way!"
"Sometimes a story just needs an ending, and I used to not be a creative enough person to think of an ending to a romantic story that isn’t a wedding or a death."
"You are not the only person who has suffered a loss—my piñata was also stolen, and yes, after it was stuffed with candy."
"First, a close friend didn’t show up with a potential guy I might like. Then, while I was reeling from that disappointment, a man kissed me out of nowhere."
"Don’tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" —Pussycat Dolls
"Maybe those kinds of details make the general public fall in love with you: 'Ms. Kaling ate her omelet with a dedication I’m sure she applies to her career.'"
"I have a complicated relationship with my body. Or rather, I have a complicated relationship with my stance on my body."
"I don’t wake up in the morning, look at my naked body in the mirror, and say, 'Good morning, body. Once again, you’ve nailed it, you gorgeous imperfect thing.'"
"It’s so refreshing that Mindy Kaling doesn’t try to conform to any normal standards of beauty. She is just so real."
"I could give up thinking about Bradley Cooper a little, in exchange for being ten pounds skinnier, but honestly: Who wants to do that?"
"No food is as delicious as food you eat standing a foot away from a trash can."
"I will leave you with one last piece of advice, which is: If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t got it? Flaunt it."
"I think it’s from my parents always telling me I could do anything. I wish I had a better answer for you."
"Confidence is just entitlement. Entitlement has gotten a bad rap because it’s used almost exclusively for the useless children of the rich, reality TV stars, and Conrad Hilton Jr."
"Hard work is such a weird thing. As children and teenagers you are told it’s a really good thing, but for adults it suddenly becomes the worst thing in the world."