How To Kill Your Family Quotes
"If you really want to learn to budget properly, spend some time at Limehouse."
"I did something much more ambitious. I conceived and carried out a complex and careful plan."
"The general public are so enthralled by my actions that they are even willing to watch a hastily cobbled together Channel 5 documentary about me."
"The justice system in this country is a joke, and there is nothing which illustrates that more than this one sentence: I have killed several people."
"Dr Crippen, Fred West, Ted Bundy, Lizzie Borden and me, Grace Bernard."
"Old people who do nothing but drain their pensions and stultify in their favourite armchairs isn’t a brilliant advertisement for humanity."
"Maybe the reason for such sustained and frenzied interest in my case is best ascribed to Occam’s Razor."
"I’m not going to kill them tonight, that would be foolish. I need to see them, listen to their conversation, see if they drop any hints about their plans this week."
"I’ve done my research, as much as you can do on two old bigots who have an inconsiderately minimal online presence."
"All human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope'."
"It’s strange to realize that you loathe your father before you ever have a chance to meet him."
"His tanned, shiny face spoke to a vanity I’d not encountered before."
"My mother stared at him. And I hated her in that moment too."
"I was 13 when I first saw these photos. I didn’t know much about relationships between men and women."
"How could she have made such a huge mistake?"
"I felt an animal brush past my fingers and look down. It’s his hand, linking with mine."
"I like being by myself, other people so often enrage or annoy with their inane small talk."
"The only highlight was getting my hands on a proper knife for the first time in a while."
"I’ve worked at the same company ever since. I have stayed in the same flat."
"I felt bouncy as I walked to work that sunny Friday morning."
"It had been nine months since I’d watched Andrew Artemis float away to be with his beloved frogs."
"From what I had read, Lara seemed totally unsuited to Artemis life."
"If old copies of Hello! were anything to go by, then Simon might have been the ultimate playboy back in his Nineties heyday."
"His family had bought them a large stuccoed house in Chelsea, just off the Kings Road."
"In his own life, Lee clung onto the excesses of his twenties."
"Kathleen and Jeremy had Simon to hold up the family name."
"Prisoners are scum. Well, from my experience of this place they are. These women are missing a few layers of the varnish of civilization."
"One hour of exercise a day is not enough for me in here. I must do two more in order to stay sane."
"Never yearn for the light that some men will shine on you for the briefest of moments. Snuff it out instead."
"In the outside world, smoking is almost entirely frowned upon now but here, fags are an effective way to make friends, curry favors, and cut through the boredom of prison."
"If you hate something that you have to live with every day, then change it."
"I am not a man for a start, and I’m certainly not delusional enough to think I’m an intellectual."
"I imagine you’re wondering if this is because her presence threatened to take away my oldest friend, the man I’d relied on since I was a child. To you I say: try harder."
"He loves me fiercely. I’m a part of him. But it never tipped into anything of note."
"I am his fucking family. His mother will be a ghoul, weeping and repeatedly talking about how terrible it all is."
"Life is so short, and we spend so much of it talking to terrible people about the minutiae of their nothing lives. I cannot do it with any enthusiasm."
"I discovered that he was 17, lived in Iowa with his dad and the aforementioned evil stepmother, and spent a lot of time messing around on the internet when he should be doing his school work."
"It was mild stuff, but it still sounded more impressive than anything I could attempt."
"The more we spoke, the more he relaxed and used proper spelling."
"He confided in me about being bullied when he was younger because his parents had got a divorce."
"I felt like I was on the right track with Pete and decided to press ahead and tell him a little bit more about what I wanted to do to Janine, my terrible stepmother."
"I accept that this is ridiculous, given that I was spending my money in order to kill them, but not every emotion is rational."
"I wondered why the Artemises had chosen a flat instead of a secluded villa somewhere, but now I’d seen the place, I understood."
"I hope I struck a note which made him feel more than a little self-conscious, while still giving him hope that there’d be some sort of reciprocation at a later date."
"I felt simultaneously depressed by having to see it and sorry for Pete, who obviously thought it was an obligatory rite of passage when talking to a girl."
"I never knew quite how close Bryony was to her parents."
"Rich people see tax the way some people see climate change – it’s a social justice issue worth taking to the streets for."
"I wasn’t trying to absolve myself or hope that it wouldn’t hurt Simon to lose his daughter."
"I’d been right about appearance being the main purpose of it."
"I am not an enthusiastic fan of homicide, researching the most fascinating and gruesome ways to kill."
"A ghost would take one look at Limehouse and apparate through a wall immediately."
"Perhaps I should have tried for a plan like that, just for the added dramatic flair, but I’ve never been one for needless stunts."
"Breeding matters to me, Grace. Not in some stuffy blueblood way, but because it tells you things about yourself that nothing else can."
"I thought I was the son of Christopher and Lottie Hawthorne and I knew what that meant."
"I am not au fait with the world of celebrity. Ask me about the Kardashians and I will proudly tell you that I thought they were a Middle Eastern dynasty until two years ago."
"Much of his ‘self-made image’ is just that. Image. But it’s helped his reputation immensely."
"Clothing wasn’t Simon’s main business interest, though. His real money came from investment and property, but the fashion brand kicked it all off."
"I don’t have a problem with any of this, by the way. I believe that business should regulate itself, and that legislation designed to protect workers exponentially stifles innovation and growth."
"Class matters, Grace. I know it’s not the done thing to say that, but I think it’s utter madness to deny a truth just because it’s uncomfortable."
"I’m practical, Grace. I was often berated by my English teacher for lacking the imagination necessary to understand great fiction."
"You don’t email a man like Simon Artemis. People like that are too important."
"Respect, that’s what it felt like to me. People nodded at me as though I must be someone too, if I was part of Simon Artemis’s inner circle."
"Money is money, no matter how you come by it."
"If you try to touch the boat again, I’m going to drive off. So don’t. Just sit there for a few more minutes and I’ll pull you out."