The Last Original Wife Quotes
"Within these slick walls reside Atlanta’s pish-posh team of premier psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, and relationship counselors who specialize in the broken hearts/crushed egos of the privileged and renowned."
"Just for the record? Wesley needed therapy. I. Absolutely. Did. Not."
"The whole drama was a grand demonstration of conspicuous consumption and their complete disregard for carbon footprint."
"I’m thinking of taking a chain saw to my husband while he’s sleeping."
"Money might not buy happiness, but not having any was just about guaranteed to make you miserable."
"Wes pitched a fit about it and then took it out on me for a month or so until Bertie called again."
"He appeared on all the morning network and cable talk shows to offer his opinion whenever a celebrity couple or a politician got caught cheating or was considering divorce."
"We were traveling with this buddy of mine, Harold Stovall, and his new wife, Cornelia."
"No, actually. But in the interest of moving things along, I need a few more facts."
"I mean, what happened really shouldn’t have happened. And then the whole situation snowballed into this terrible misunderstanding."
"They’re as pretty as a little girl could be, with curly blond ringlets and eyes so big and clear blue you could swim in them."
"She said things like this a thousand times until I finally got it through my head that if she wanted to tell herself she didn’t care, then I should support her."
"What’s the matter with them? Do they really think that all that fawning over them from their Barbies is sincere?"
"I was trapped with nowhere to run. So was he."
"This posture went on for some time. Danette was the Queen of Serene, the Soul of Discretion."
"But then I’ve been so focused on your accident and all . . ."
"Few people realize how much courage it takes in a community like ours to ignore the established taboos."
"You only have one life, Leslie. I think you've sacrificed too much for too little in return."
"I’m watching your uncle Harlan’s house for him while he’s away."
"I'm getting pretty tired of this business."
"I meant it when I said I don’t want to spend every weekend for the rest of my life with a bunch of home-wrecking whores disguised as nice young women who make me feel like an old frump."
"I could pump Wes for satisfaction until I'm blue in the face, but you can’t make someone into something they’re not."
"I am her husband of almost thirty years and she hangs up on me?"
"I have to say, I view these reports as validation that Harold is certifiable."
"Isn’t this kind of the ultimate litmus test for whether or not to crawl into a cave and gnaw on your arm until you stop living?"
"He could use a friend, old or new, if you know what I mean?"
"You actually honestly and truly care about other people besides yourself to the point you’d remark on how to be considerate of a woman who’s been dead for how long?"
"I’m not coming back. I’m sorry to tell you this in an e-mail, but I just don’t feel like hearing you scream at me ever again. Ever."
"I mean, I haven’t seen a hair on my legs in the last ten years!"
"We’d had take-out Chinese, Japanese, and Thai at his house on Sullivans Island and Harlan’s at least twice a week."
"I’d eat mud pie made from real mud if you put it in front of me."
"But I know one thing for sure. I don’t like seeing you in this conundrum. A gorgeous woman like you ought to be a lot happier than you are."
"I’d made his favorite soup or roast and I couldn’t wait to serve it to him because I knew it would make him happy."
"What do you mean? Look, Les is a nice-looking woman, for her age, I mean. And she’s dignified."
"I’m scared, Danette. I’m scared like hell."
"Don’t you dare! Do you know how long it took to blow it out?"
"I’ve been so consumed by Wes and the children I’d never had time to develop any personal desires."
"I’ve been in the wrong church, in the wrong pew, at the wrong service."
"Most therapy is a narcissistic exercise."
"You can never give up on them. Every flower blooms in its own time."
"She’s totally fine. They don’t think she’ll even need chemo."
"My daughter and son? They’re another story. They almost drove me insane."
"I’m sure they were more insulted than put in their place."
"Maybe now they will. You put the fear of God in them and walked out? I’m sure you gave them a lot to think about."
"You can tell me right here and now, Wesley."
"It’s just sad, Harlan. It’s not your fault."
"I’m going to row my own boat in the future."
Any kind of sparkling water would be great," I said. "Thanks.
"Tough noogies for Harold," I said and smiled.
"Would he rather have an ex-wife who wanted to torture him for the rest of his life? God knows, she's got grounds."
"I’m so tired, but I’m so excited too. And golly, it’s just so good for all of us to be together for this."
"Yes, it was. I just paid the bill with Wes’s credit card. He’s going to have a cow when the statement comes at the end of the month."
"Everybody has their own point of view about things."
"After all, what’s money for? I couldn’t take it with me, but if today didn’t go right, Les might take it with her!"
"He had a pump sewn into his, you know, his um . . . johnson."
"It’s not like Harold has any other children," and she said, "You mean so that if he had another child get married, he’d have to throw me out of the house again?"
"Kiss This!" was written on Lisette’s backside, but Lisette had written "Kizz This!" on Cornelia’s, spelling it wrong.
"But forgiveness is what life’s all about."
"So you forgive me?" "Yes, of course I do. If you forgive me."