Submarine Quotes
"I have done some research on tantra.com. It turns out that tantra transports your sexuality from the plane of doing to the plane of being. It can last for up to fifteen hours."
"All I could do was let her know. I said: ‘I love you more than words. And I am a big fan of words.’ This was a cheesy thing to say but being in love with Jordana, I have discovered, tends to make me cheesy."
"Since we had sex – and with such results – I am drawn to ask the question: when will we do it again? Is there any point? Could we possibly hope to improve?"
"Afterwards, I was ravenous. I finished off my plate of food, then started in on Jordana’s."
"Some euphemisms make you sound like Martin Clove, a boy who, for psychological reasons, doesn’t have to use the communal showers after rugby."
"In the Kama Sutra, the penis becomes the lingam and the vagina becomes the yoni. These words will add a certain mystical resonance, like very poor lighting, to the congress."
"I think that if bees had the power of rational thought they would be willing to exchange their surplus honey for clean, free-standing, man-made hives that are reminiscent of upmarket beach huts."
"Fred cannot bark properly. He has a white goatee and a black body. Sometimes he opens his mouth and nothing comes out."
"In the book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, it says that pets are important because they die. They allow children to adjust to death and mourning."
"Fred is sat in his basket with his eyes wide. He opens his mouth but no sound comes out."
"I think that at least Fred is dying with an obscure word."
"You’re allowed to head-butt each other sometimes."
"I wonder whether it is the tumour or the wine that has made them go schmaltzy."
"If she were here – which, now I think about it, she is – I would posit my theory of healthy eating."
"Mum sat on the end of my bed this morning. She was smiling and her eyes and mouth were a little puffy because she’d only just woken up."
"I buy myself some time by walking into her bedroom and looking out the window."
"I look at my watch – one-eighteen. Dad lasted ten minutes."
"She leans towards me: ‘You can see them but they can’t see you. You can hear them but they can’t hear you.’"
"This is the bit where the Jewish actors are choosing costumes for their play. Weiskopf, an entrepreneurial Jew, has recycled the clothes of people who died in the war."
"The more she comes on to me, the more I think of her in the dinner hall with a gob full of turkey burger, taking a sip of orange squash anyway."
"The narrator wakes up as a dusty brown light puddles around him."
"‘Now we’ve got three minutes ’til the next cue.’ She reaches under my chair and pulls a lever. The chair hisses down as my eye line sinks out of view of the stage."
"You know you need a special theatre licence to show nudity."
"‘Fuck the authorities,’ I say, getting into it."
"I feel quite close to coming so I think about all the skinny bodies looking through the barbed wire at Auschwitz."
"‘My dick is stiff as a Nazi salute, for you,’ I say."
"I sit at a table in the foyer with my stolen flowers and my erection. My eyes sting from coming out into the daylight."
"I’m aware of having been part of something devious."
"I think it’s her relationship with Aaron that is the problem. I need to sort this out."
"It’s bright and the park is busy: there are dog-walkers, a hexagon of people playing Frisbee in direct sunlight, a youngster on a bike looking pleased with himself although his stabilizers are doing the hard work."
"I feel exhilarated. And I’m smiling because I lifted the scab off and it turns out that Jordana and I did have an emotional connection."
"‘I’m sorry,’ I say. And again: ‘I’m sorry.’ It only makes her worse – she nuzzles the dirt."
"My GCSEs are more important than my first relationship. My first relationship, which will not matter when I’m forty-three."
"I did not offer to help dig. I was far too hungry for that."
"Goldfish grow to fit the size of their bowls."
"The sun is setting. All the colours are there."