Redshirts Quotes
"Are you the Intrepid's tour guide?" Dahl asked, smiling.
No," Dahl said, and held out his hand. "Andrew Dahl. I've been assigned to the Intrepid.
I'm excited," Dahl said. "This will be my first posting.
The promise was implied," Duvall protested. "And besides, I bought you a drink. I own you.
I prefer humans," Dahl said. "Call me boring.
"And here you were all concerned about celibacy," Dahl said, and swigged from his drink.
"Then why did you agree to hold his... candies?" Duvall said.
"He came over and started talking to me. I think he realized I didn't care who his dad was."
"I don’t think it should be entirely surprising he’s not in the system, do you?"
"When the captain tells me I’m going to be on an away mission, it’s like some other part of my brain takes over," Kerensky said.
"What makes them different—the smart ones, anyway—is that they have a very good sense of why people want to be near them."
You get the coffee," Collins said. "Because I could use a cup right about now.
Is it just me," Hester said, "or is everyone on this ship monumentally fucked up about away missions?
The crew member you’re replacing was Sid Black," Trin said. "He was part of an away team to Longran Seven, which is an ice planet.
"You’ll find this crew to be quite efficient and effective," Q’eeng said.
"It’s always the protein coat with your lab, isn’t it," Q’eeng murmured, perusing the screen again.
I’m going to say it again," he said, again to himself. "What the hell?
"I don’t think luck had much to do with it," he said.
"It’s your fault for asking about Jenkins!" Cassaway hissed at Dahl.
"I hate the damn thing. But I have to believe it’s not actually magic."
"We’re all brothers in the service, you know? Well, except those of us who are sisters."
"They’re some of his favorite words," Mbeke said, letting go.
You should have known better," Cassaway said. "I’m not the one asking all these stupid questions!
"You were the one who brought up Jenkins in front of him! Twice!"
"We don’t have any choice but to use it."
"The captain and Q’eeng have a voodoo doll of me, or something."
"You’re pissing him off with all your questions about him."
"It’s your fault too," Cassaway said, spitting out the words.
I’m telling you what they told me," Dahl said. "And they gave me six hours.
You don’t know how lucky you were," he said. "Listen to me or don’t.
I don’t like it," Trin said. "I don’t have any reason not to believe it.
"Damn it, Fiona, can’t you ever just shut up?"
"Because one of us has to die. That’s how it works on the away teams."
"You’re missing details. Killing me isn’t going to mean you’re safe."
"This is the part where you run and scream a lot."
"Once the sacrifice is made, the rest are safe."
"You’ll be in contact with senior officers on a daily basis."
"The Intrepid has the worst karma in the known universe."
"What if I tell you what I think, and it sounds insane to you?"
"It’s not a matter of if I get killed, it’s when."
"You’re the only one from the away team still alive."
"It’s from the United Federation of Planets."
"It’s messed up that the most rational explanation for what does go on in this ship is that a television show intrudes on our reality and warps it."
"I’m betting I can make a hell of a profit on it."
"You’re supposed to be escorting the Calendrian pontifex’s ship to the peace talks."
"The Calendrian rebels have a spy or turncoat in the crew."
"You were a novitiate to an alien religion."
"You’re the son of one of the richest men in the universe."
"I thought we’d be done by now, and I kind of have to pee."
"It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop."
"That’s a lead-out to a commercial break."
"You’re an officer and you’ve been trained to lead."
"The Intrepid doesn’t just have a curse."
"The show’s not about the Intrepid, it’s about the characters on it."
"You were there when your friend was killed."
"You’re pretty safe because your wife was the one who died."
"I’m amazed you feel the need to say that anymore."
"If we stop the show, then everything stops."
"You’re not getting it. It doesn’t matter who thought up the fucking things!"
"You’re a man of faith, aren’t you, Dahl?"
"You can’t stop it. There’s only hiding from it."
"I haven’t been happy since my wife died."
"It’s better that way," Duvall said. "Anyway. He’s out now and if I’m any indication of how effective these little pills are, he’ll be down for several hours at least."
"Good," Dahl said. "Let’s get to work." Duvall nodded and stripped Kerensky’s bunk, lining the bottom of the crate with the sheets and blanket.
"It’s not airtight," Dahl said. "But maybe you should put his pants back on him now."
"I’m not sure where this is leading," Dahl said.
"Shut up and let’s get him into this thing," Duvall said.
"Poor bastard," Duvall said, looking at the crate. "I do feel bad about this. He’s dim and self-centered, but he’s not really a bad guy. And he’s decent enough in the cot."
"You can make it up to him later," Dahl said, and opened the door, on the other side of which stood Hester.
"I have one more quick stop to make," Dahl said. "Have to pick up some extra supplies."
"I’m trying not to waste your time," Jenkins said.
"I’m not going with you," Jenkins said. "So you have to do it for me."
"I know," Jenkins said. "If you have time."
"And it won’t last," Dahl said. "You know it won’t."
"It doesn’t have to last," Jenkins said. "It just has to last long enough."
"Thanks," Jenkins said. "And now I think you better get off the ship as soon as you can. Leaving that note from Kerensky was smart, but don’t tempt fate any more than you have to. You’re already tempting it enough."
"You can’t do this to me," Kerensky said, in a muffled fashion, from inside the crate.
"That’s a funny thing to say," Hester said, "considering where you are."
"Let me out," Kerensky said. "That’s an order."
"You keep saying funny things," Hester said. "From inside a crate. Which you can’t escape from."
"Where are my pants?" Kerensky asked, plaintively.
"I really have to pee," Kerensky said. "Really bad."
"Anatoly," Maia said, more forcefully. "They didn’t get me too."
"What?" Kerensky said. Then, after a minute, "Oh."
"‘Oh,’" Duvall agreed. "Now, listen, Anatoly. I’m going to open up the crate and you can come out, but I really need you not to be stupid or to panic. Do you think you can do that?"
"Anatoly, that little pause you just did suggests to me that what you’re really planning to do is something stupid as soon as we uncrate you," Duvall said. "So just to be sure, two of my friends here have pulse guns trained on you. If you do anything particularly idiotic, they’ll just blast you. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Kerensky said, sounding somewhat more resigned.
"Okay," Duvall said. She walked over to the crate.
"That’s why I have his pants," Duvall said, and started unlatching the hinges.
"Window," Dahl said. They stood up and walked toward the window, cranking the louvers so they were open to the outside.
"Anatoly, come back in," Duvall said through the window. "For God’s sake, you’re not wearing pants."
"This isn’t a ship," he yelled up to the window.
"No, it’s the Best Western Media Center Inn and Suites," Duvall said. "In Burbank."
"Is that a planet?" Kerensky yelled. "What system is it in?"
"Oh, for Christ’s sake," Hester muttered. "You’re on Earth, you moron," he yelled at Kerensky.
"Look, he’s had a rough day," Duvall said, and then turned her attention to Kerensky. "We went back in time, Anatoly," she said. "It’s the year 2012. This is what it looks like. Now come back inside."
"You drugged me and kidnapped me," Kerensky said, accusingly.
"I know, and I’m really sorry about that," Duvall said. "I was kind of in a rush. But listen, you have to come back inside. You’re half-naked. Even in 2012, you can get arrested for that. You don’t want to get arrested in 2012, Anatoly. It’s not a nice time to be in jail. Come back inside, okay? We’re in room 215. Just take the stairs."
"I’m not rooming with him," Hester said. "I just want to be clear on that."