Best Eleventh Grave In Moonlight Quotes by Darynda Jones

"Lord, help me be the sort of person my psychiatrist medicates me to be."

"Insanity takes its toll. Please have exact change."

"Talking to yourself is okay. Answering back is risky."

"She has moments when she seems stable, but then so does nitroglycerin."

"A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder."

"I was enjoying a killer green chile pizza called the Chimayo. I wanted to marry the pizza and have its babies, but the server said it was already spoken for. Damn it."

"That’s what I mean. She’s crazy. Said the kid had a darkness about him."

"You don’t understand. It’s not any one thing."

"I think they think they are, but they go about it the wrong way."

"Everyone complains about the weather, but no one wants to sacrifice a virgin to change it."

"Thank God I don’t have to hunt for my food. I don’t even know where tacos live."

"Children see magic because they look for it."

"I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I’ll be notified immediately."

"I cursed the sadistic priest who’d condemned all those people to a hell dimension in the 1400s."

"You know, I was thinking about my in-laws. By being married to you, I am Satan’s daughter-in-law, Jehovah’s sister-in-law, and Jesus’s aunt by marriage."

"I think they have the ability to see into the supernatural realm."

"They didn’t deserve me. Good. They didn’t deserve me. Bad. The Fosters did them a favor."

"I don’t need anyone’s protection is the day hell freezes over."

"I never said I’d die without coffee. I said other people would."

"Some days I just stay inside because it feels too peopley out there."

"The skin will slide off your bones if you don’t eat him."

"I talk an awful lot of shit for someone who can’t put underwear on without tipping over."

"You keep talking like that, and I’ll have to take you into a stall."

"Just like on the mortal plane, outside forces influence, but the body is still one. The more you understand that, the less your human part can control you."

"He cannot die. Not at the hands of anything less than a god. And neither can you."

"You, Elle-Ryn-Ahleethia, are thirteen. As far as I know, you are the most powerful god to ever exist."

"It’s like when you take a native out of the rain forest he grew up in to the open plains and he sees cows in the distance, he thinks they’re flies. His mind can’t comprehend such vastness."

"If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only 'attempted' murder."

"Few things in life are as surprising as having your husband, the man you gave your heart and soul to, throw you off a 350-foot building."

"You’re a god. Time doesn’t bounce back unless you allow it to."

"If this has taught me anything, it’s that humans are incredible. They are each worthy of life. Well, most of them."

"Nothing made a girl hungrier than being thrown off a building."

"My entire life can be summed up in one sentence: 'Well, that didn’t go as planned.'"

"Life isn’t a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk."
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"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure."

"She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles."

"I ran out of coffee this morning. Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today!"

"Why would I agree to have my memories erased? What did I do that was so bad I wanted to forget?"

"I don’t go to war. I don’t eat gods. I’m the least violent person you’ll ever meet."

"It will be harder for you now, knowing what you know. What you are capable of."

"It’s all a guessing game, including this glass. This dimension."

"Perhaps I’ll use your heart as a candy dish."